


I can't help but loving you

by becharlatan



Category: One Direction (Band), Zayn Malik (Musician)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst, Broker Louis, Broker Zayn, Eventual Smut, Fluff, Free Spirited Liam, Happy Ending, M/M, Marriage Proposal, Musician Liam, Pining, Romance, Sick Character
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-25
Updated: 2016-02-25
Packaged: 2018-05-23 04:21:20
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 25,057
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6104746
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/becharlatan/pseuds/becharlatan
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"I have a better plan," Zayn says, looking at Liam even if there's a cloth blocking his sight. "If I find you in less than a minute, you're going to marry me. And I'll take care of you. Forever."</p>
            </blockquote>





	I can't help but loving you

**Author's Note:**

  * For [apprehensivekitty](https://archiveofourown.org/users/apprehensivekitty/gifts).



> This took me about three months. I always get a tad emotional when writing Ziam. Another Ziam fic is in the process of writing, might be my last, idk, but anyway! I hope you'll love this one. For translation offers, please leave a comment and let's discuss about it. We'll attach a photo of Kimby so you can see how handsome that dog is. x
> 
> Rizo, thanks x.

"What the fuck?"

Brown eyes.

He sees brown bright soft eyes and Zayn doesn't know whether to feel warm or appalled. They're the kind of brown Zayn wants to paint, the type that sends tingles in his spine and makes his body awfully happy. But, Zayn doesn't paint. Well, at the moment, he hasn't. 

He's late, is what he is and the man who's wearing a thick white jumper and blue torn pants and combat boots bumped into him, making him spill his coffee on the floor. 

Luckily, it didn't spill on his suit or else today's meeting will go bad. 

"Oops," the man says, voice bashful and face scrunched in horror. "I'm terribly, terribly sorry!"

The cup is already on the floor and Zayn sighs cause there goes his breakfast, making a pool of black liquid on the floor. His leather shoes are still clean and his trousers are still dry, and that's a good thing, really. Magnificent, even.

He looks at the man and glares at him.

"You need to look where you're going, mate," Zayn snaps. The man looks at his feet, his fingers playing with the hem of his jumper. He pouts at Zayn and Zayn tries to shoo the desire to coo at him. He glares even more, just to make himself look so believable. Because, the _fuck?_ How is this person even real? He’s the epitome of trouble, an angel that holds so many secrets, hidden under the soft brown eyes. Zayn tries to stop his fingers from brushing off the pout off his face and avoids the puppydog eyes. 

"I'm sorry. But it's you who weren't looking," the man says shyly, cheeks tinting red. Zayn quirks a brow and throws daggers at him.

"Excuse me?" Zayn asks bitingly. 

See, Zayn is a busy man. He works under Caroline Watson, the owner of Watson Brokerage. He's a business broker and has been working in the company ever since his internship years. He's been in the business for almost seven years now, and despite the young age of twenty-nine, Zayn's already considered one of the best in Caroline's company and in the field. And no one, not even his best mate Louis desires to counter them the obvious: that Zayn’s an arrogant prick. 

The man hangs his head and lets out a heavy sigh. 

"You were busy on your phone and you bumped into me."

Zayn doesn't want to be called a liar, but the man was actually saying the truth. However, Zayn doesn't want to be stood corrected, hence he says instead–

"I wasn't," Zayn snorts and glances at his phone. His eyes went wide because he needs to be in the office in five minutes or he'll be utterly late for the meeting. He can’t afford to lose this deal because Caroline has been wanting to expand influences and broaden the shares. 

The man furrows his brows and is about to say something when another man interrupts them.

"Here's your coffee, Liam."

Even before the guy, Liam–Zayn notes in his mind, could grab the paper cup, Zayn quickly steals the cup. The tall curly haired guy looks at him, bewildered and makes a displeased face.

"Hey," he tries to get the coffee back. Only Zayn moves faster and just makes a mischievous face.

"That's not your coffee," the man says in a slow low drawl. Zayn looks at Liam who is silent ever since he told Zayn he's the one at fault. Zayn wonders what are the things running inside Liam’s head right now.

He really has the most beautiful eyes Zayn had ever seen, because he can’t help but stare at the soft brown eyes for eternity. But, at the same time, he's annoyed with him. And it's just right to make Liam pay back. Or, something like that.

"Well, he stole mine," Zayn says. He points down the floor, the coffee starting to dry. Someone should probably clean cause anyone might really slip on it. Zayn furrows his brows because he’s only got less than five minutes before Caroline will smack his arse. 

"That's impossible," the man drawls slowly, voice low and Zayn can’t help but roll his eyes. "Liam would never do such a thing."

Zayn snorts and turns around. He takes a step when a hand stops him.

"Give back Liam's coffee," the man threatens. Zayn pulls his shoulder away and looks at the man, annoyed.

"Look man," he says. "Your friend spilled my drink. And I really need to get going. I'm just returning the favor by taking his coffee, yeah?"

The man scowls at his logical yet rude point. But, hey. It is not logical. It is simply rude. Zayn shouldn't be staying any longer in the coffee shop; he should be in the building now, on his way to his office, about to meet today's client for another business to transact. 

"Harry," a voice chimes in and the two men look at Liam. "It's okay. He can take it. I don't really mind."

Harry, the curly haired man, sighs and steps away from Zayn. He wraps an arm around Liam's shoulder and pulls him close. Zayn watches as they mutter into one another, already in their own world. He also sees Harry peeking at him, and Liam pouts as they continue to converse.

Harry then looks at Zayn one last time, eyes intent and piercing, then walks away, pulling Liam with him. Zayn continues to stare at them, eyes fully on Liam's back and the white jumper around him. He lifts the cup and takes a sip of the coffee carefully. 

He blinks after the first sip. It is definitely not his taste: too sweet, with extra sugar and cream and Zayn wants to cringe but smiles instead because Liam isn't so bad after all. He was just being rude, is all. 

& & &

It's quite sunny, considering London and its always gloomy, rainy weather, when Zayn takes Louis' offer of grabbing lunch somewhere down the street.

Zayn groans, pushing his chair off his desk, and gets up. He grabs his phone and fixes his dress shirt before exiting his office. He sees Louis by the lifts already, chatting with someone over the phone. 

"Zayn!" Louis shouts. He cups the receiver on the phone and adds, "Hey, yeah. Call you later."

"I'm starving," Zayn mumbles. He leans against the wall and Louis pushes the button. "But I need to get back immediately. Caroline wants to discuss something. I think she mentioned about SC Productions, but I was busy with the pizzeria I sold few days ago, finishing paperwork to really pay attention." 

Louis nods and the lift dings. The metal doors slide open and some people steps out. They both enter and Louis places his chin on Zayn's right shoulder.

"Is that SC for Simon Cowell?" 

Zayn lays his head atop Louis' and sighs. 

"Yeah," Zayn rubs his nose with his pointer. 

Louis grunts and looks at his watch. "But his company’s worth a ton. Do you think you can find anyone who's willing to purchase that company?"

Zayn snorts and the door of the lift opens. They step to the lobby and out the main entrance. Louis wears his aviators and stretches beside him. He runs a hand on his locks, black hair almost tingling his palm.

"I'm a broker, that shouldn't be a problem."

"Well if that's not going to be a problem, how does a dog taking a piss on your car sounds?" 

Zayn looks at Louis, perplexed. Louis points the parking lot in front of the building and Zayn motions his head to look towards the direction. He sees a man wearing a brown coat holding a leash connected to three dogs–a black and white shih tzu, a big golden retriever and a labrador puppy. Zayn adores dogs, loves them, even, but he doesn't like what the little shih tzu is doing with his front tire right now.

Louis cackles behind him as Zayn storms down the steps and speed walks to his car. 

"No, no, no, no, no." Zayn exhales tiredly. He didn't know he was this tired from work until he sees the dog pissing at his tire, his exhaustion sliding from his body because he's undeniably annoyed.

"I'm sorry," the familiar voice from last week makes his mood even more sour. 

"I know you," Zayn says. He hears Louis' tracks behind and when he looks back, he sees his mate still cackling.

"Oh no," Liam says, hands tightening around the leashes. "I'm terribly, terribly sorry. Kimby needed to wee and I couldn't just stop him. Your car tires looked exactly the same as the ones he had in the–"

"How can you be fucking real right now?" 

"I said I'm sorry," Liam repeats, he looks at Zayn forlornly. Kimby, the shih tzu, places down his leg and barks at Zayn. 

"Is this because of the coffee? Are you doing this because I stole your coffee?"

Liam looks up from the dogs and shakes his head quickly. He even raises a hand to make his point. 

"No. I-I, uh. It was an accident, I didn't know Kimby needed to go–I swear I asked him two blocks ago, because that's where he usually takes a wee–"

"Wait, you talk to your dogs?" Louis pipes in, amused. "I never tried doing that. You should do it sometimes, Zayn. But, oh. I forgot you don't have a dog at home."

Liam blinks at them and looks at Zayn. "You don't have a dog? How can one survive without a pet?"

Zayn glares at him and hates how Louis had magically changed the subject like he didn't ask Liam a question. 

"Well, he has a pet," Louis answers and Zayn rolls his eyes. "He's got a fighting fish. It's a blue one, innit?"

Liam hums in response but his eyes are still sad. "Fish aren't considered pets," he says. Louis cackles at the joke but stops momentarily sensing that Liam wasn't cracking a joke. 

"Oh, he's serious," Louis gapes. He pushes his aviator atop his head and looks at Zayn.

"Who is he? Do you know him? And since when has your car tires been loo for dogs?"

Zayn scoffs and glares at Liam. "I don't know him. I only met him once at the coffee shop a week ago, but I don't know him. And my car tires aren't loo for animals."

Louis offers a hand and shoves it towards Liam. "I'm Louis, and your dogs are quite lovely."

Liam takes the hand and smiles bashfully. "I'm Liam and I'm really, really sorry about the dogs."

"I think Zayn here doesn't mind," Louis says with a tease curling at the end of the sentence. He wraps an arm around Zayn's shoulder and laughs. Zayn but roll his eyes and scoffs. He can just have his car washed, it's alright.

(But then it is certainly not. Liam has again caused havoc in his life. It's not alright.)

He needs to go now, however, and drag Louis to the sandwich store down the street for lunch. He needs to get back quickly and he's famished. Staying and chatting with Liam and his three dogs would only prolong his hunger.

But he's a broker, he's been in the business for long that simple things like this aren't allowed to be just ignored. He opens his palm and shoves it to Liam.

"If you're truly sorry, you gotta pay me," Zayn says, making Liam furrow his brows. And Zayn tries his best not to coo at that pout.

"But why do I have to pay you? I told you it was an accident," Liam argues. "I couldn't just tell Kimby to hold it, could I?"

"When you gotta go, you gotta go," Louis jokes, making Liam giggle. Zayn smacks Louis on the chest, earning him a whine. The dogs are a bit restless, especially the labrador that Zayn fears might need to go the loo, too. And he doesn't know how much cleaning will it take just to have the nasty pee scent be removed.

"Exactly, but that doesn't mean I'm letting you run away from your responsibilities," Zayn snaps. He really gets a bit moody when he's hungry. Actually, there are a lot of things that make Zayn gets a tad moody. 

"But I am not. I've apologised already," Liam reasons.

"And that isn't enough," Zayn says. "You gotta pay me for my carwash."

Liam blinks and tightens the hold around the leashes. He knows Baxter, the labrador, needs to go to the loo now but he doesn't want to annoy Zayn further.

Zayn raises an eyebrow and taps his foot impatiently on the ground. What a total prick, Zayn is.

(And, oh. He knows.)

"Well? I'm waiting."

Liam sighs and pulls a tenner from his back pocket. He hands it over to Zayn with a frown.

"That's my last money," Liam says factually but Zayn ignores him and takes the money hastily.

"I'm sure the owners of these dogs will give you later."

"But I'm doing this for free," Liam mumbles and Zayn stares at him blankly. He looks down at the three dogs and makes a 'tsk' sound. 

"Come on, Lou. I'm hungry," Zayn turns around and starts walking. Louis looks at Liam, knowing Liam was telling the truth. He looks at Zayn's back and sighs. He smiles at Liam weakly and follows Zayn with rushed steps.

Liam stays there, three dogs around him going antsy. He sighs and looks down at Baxter.

"Do you need to wee?" 

Baxter looks back at him and whines.

"Go ahead, have a wee there," Liam points the other tire and helps Baxter to stand beside it. "It's okay, I paid for it."

Baxter tilts his head and lifts his leg. Liam smiles and nods, assuring the dog, even though there’s no way they could understand each other. At least, Kimby felt that Zayn was a mean to his walker.

"Niall will be pissed," Liam mumbles when Baxter relieves himself. He smiles at Tori, the retriever and says, "Come on, make it worth it. Don't wait to get to the park anymore."

Tori only barks and wags his tail in reply.

(If Tori also ended up pissing Zayn's third tire, then it was a secret between the pack.)

& & &

"Holy fuck, mate," Louis whispers as soon as they step out of Caroline's office.

It turned out, Caroline wanted both Zayn and Louis to work for Simon Cowell. Simon was planning to expand by buying smaller production companies and increase share. Louis was wrong when he thought Simon was planning on retiring. He wants to become a production tycoon.

"But he's a billionaire already," Louis continues as they walk inside Zayn's office to discuss the deal. "And like, once he bought other companies–just imagine our bank accounts. I swear I can buy my sisters new iPhone 6. Even Doris and Ernest could have one!"

Zayn smiles and fixes his tie.

"Don't be a bad brother and buy the little ones an iPhone," Zayn says as he closes the door shut and walks to his desk.

"I'll buy them iPads then," Louis giddies. 

"I'm not sure Jay would like that," Zayn counters. Louis sits on the chair before him and removes his jacket.

Zayn open the manila folder of the contracts and lists of business on sale. He encircles the names of business in the field of music production and copies the contact on a new note in his phone. Louis slouches on his seat and pulls a magazine under Zayn's coffee table.

Louis scans through the pages, hums when he sees something he likes and gasps when he sees something he really, really likes. Zayn remains silent, scanning through the list Caroline has given them and sorts them according to value. Once done, he looks out the window and stares at the sun slowly setting down.

He watches in silence, with the sounds of paper flipping on the background, as he thinks of nothing but brown eyes and pink soft lips in a pout.

& & &

Days came and went, and Zayn has been locking himself inside the office, analysing paperworks and calling possible sellers for a week now.

He had a meeting with Simon the other day, telling him that he's willing to pay no matter how much the amount as long as the company falls in his qualifications and standards. 

That was the problem, none of the companies on his list makes it on Simon's ‘qualifications’ and he's getting stressed trying to work everything out. 

Added to all stress on his work was Louis being gone because he had another projects to work with and he's been having a difficult time sleeping.

See, ever since the piss event and the coffee event, Zayn couldn't stop feeling guilty and thinking about Liam. It's not that he imagines how it would feel having Liam under him, or having to kiss those pouty lips. It's not that he thinks how it would feel touching Liam's skin with his fingertips, or how Liam would make sounds every time he hits the right spot.

It's not that.

It's more of what would he feel when Liam stares at him with his soft light brown eyes, or how would Liam speak to him when they're alone and nobody's around to bother them. It's more of what would he feel if Liam holds him and tells him more about himself when they go grab coffee. 

It seems superficial, because honestly, with what Zayn had pulled and how he had handled Liam the past two incidents, he's quite certain Liam hates him already.

But he can't stop thinking about him, is the thing. He can't stop thinking about Liam and his awkward yet amusing personality; can't stop wondering why Liam is Liam, in all honesty.

He lets out a deep sigh and looks at the screen.

He knows he's doing great as a broker; pays the bills on time, makes great connections and lets him do things he loves–comics, fags, alcohol, cigarettes and tattoos. But still, there's something missing. 

See, despite his talent and great appeal in the field, Zayn never did want to be in the brokerage. He wanted to be an artist, always dreamed of being a painter but his father had different plans. 

It wasn't love that made him follow his father's plans, but hate to upset his mum. He agreed to because seeing his mum upset over him and his father aches his heart more than anything.

He wonders if his parents will be happy once they find out where he is now.

Zayn looks out the window, the sun setting slowly, and yet, here he is again, in his desk with file of papers in front of him and nowhere near in closing the deal.

& & &

It's raining when Zayn steps out of the building the next two days.

He left his car at home since he’s in no mood to drive after staying up late all night. Louis dropped by his home that morning and picked him up. He groans at that decision and curses at the weather. He forgot his umbrella in his car and his spare one in his room. 

Zayn estimates how fast should he run to the taxi bay so he can hail a cab despite the strong gush of the wind and heavy fall of the rain. He tightens the hold on his jacket and pulls it close against him. He'll ruin his suit and his hair and his leather boots but those don't really matter right now when the rain has no plan on stopping anytime soon.

He wonders if he should go back inside and stay but he's no longer in the mood to continue working with SC Productions. He much rather go home and have himself a beer, a few packs of cigarette while he search on the net and tune on the telly.

Looking back at the present predicament, Zayn sighs as he pushes his phone inside the breast pocket of his jacket so it wouldn't get wet. He sighs for the umpteenth time and wiggles his fingers, to let the cold go away. He runs down the steps and dashes to the taxi bay.

His boots squeak in the water and his hair is starting to soak as he speeds across the parking lot towards the taxi bay. Zayn shakes his head and wipes his face with his palm. The weather is starting to annoy him and he's starting to get mad in his predicament. Zayn really is easy to annoy.

When he's finally under the shed, Zayn tries to look for any cab near. He takes a seat on one of the benches and watches as the vehicles drive past before him, cabs filled with people and people with their umbrellas.

He leans against the post and waits.

Minutes has passed and Zayn wonders where all the vacant caba had gone to. He tried reaching for Louis awhile ago but Louis wouldn't pick up. He groans because he's already cold and it's getting late and he desperately needs to get home.

Thinking that there's no option to fall on, Zayn gets up on his feet and grunts. The rain is still falling and it's getting colder. He hates the cold and the rain and being wet. He doesn't like what's happening or whatever it is going to happen because it's not funny. It's quite annoying and Zayn doesn't want to be annoyed.

He looks to his left and to his right. He sighs when nothing appears. 

He then decides to run. Well, commute really, but to get to the nearest station to the tube requires a long walk from his office. Approximately eight blocks away, and the bus station is somewhere Zayn has no idea or whatsoever, really. He's always in his car going to the office. Or with Louis. So, there’s that.

Zayn runs under the rain, under the faint lights of lampposts, and against the strong wind. He looks like a mess. Like chocolate ice cream with sprinkles swimming on the melted cream, pooling in the bowl. He should look beautiful, appealing but instead he looks like a stuffed day under the bloody rain.

He continues to run past the first block, legs starting to tire because despite his scrawny frame, he's really unhealthy with what the number of beer he drinks every night and packs of cigarette he burns all the time. The vehicles cross the street, making him stop once in awhile, making sure he wouldn't crash. 

He's almost past the fourth block when someone pulls him from behind. He halts, jacket already tight around him, hugging his body. He just wish his phone is still dry and working.

When he turned around he sees the familiar brown eyes he can't get rid off his head and he doesn't know what to feel about it. 

For starters, why is it that Liam seems to know how to pop himself in the most inconvenient situation Zayn is in? And, why is it that Liam is always around? Like he's actually following Zayn. Huh. Could it be? Could he really be, possibly be, following Zayn? And, why is Liam running under the rain, too? Why does he not have an umbrella? It's raining, for god's sake. He'll catch a cold if he doesn't go home and dry himself. 

"You're unhappy," Liam says all of a sudden, making Zayn scrunch his face.

Of all the things Liam could have possibly said, it's Zayn being unhappy right now. Not the fact that it's raining and Zayn is soaked, or even the fact that they've meet again. And to be honest, Zayn really is unhappy in his life in general, he just doesn’t want to admit it to anyone. Liam really is something.

"I am," Zayn mutters and Liam takes a step closer. He leans closer to Zayn's face and wipes the droplet of water that falls on Zayn's cheekbone. It's useless but Zayn freezes at the contact. It's warm and stinging yet soft and cold all at the same time. It's indescribable but Zayn doesn't want for it to stop.

"Where's your umbrella?" Liam asks. He's still near Zayn's face and he's smiling like always, whenever Zayn sees him, before he could ruin their meeting and throw something harsh at Liam. He's always cheerful and cute and _beautiful_.

"Where's your umbrella?" Zayn parrots sarcastically. Liam pulls his hand away and fiddles with the hem of his soaking jumper.

"I like running under the rain," Liam replies simply like it was normal and Zayn furrows his brows in confusion and tries to hide his adoration. 

"You like...running under the rain?"

"Yes!" Liam replies with a full smile. A bark of laughter escapes his lips as if Zayn had cracked a joke. He runs a hand on his buzzcut hair and grins at Zayn. 

"Do you live near?" Liam asks. 

Zayn shakes his head and watches when Liam looks up at the dark sky. He looks peaceful like this, despite the rain making him drenched like a puppy who has lost its home. He looks like a puppy enjoying the rain and getting dirty and Zayn doesn't like the thoughts starting to appear in his head as he continue to stare on Liam's body. 

He's wearing a very thin jumper that hugged his torso perfectly, pecks and abs almost defined through the shirt and his jeans doesn't give enough justice to hide how massive Liam is. When Zayn looks down, he almost gapes because Liam is barefooted and he's running under the rain.

"Where are your shoes?"

Liam looks down and wiggles his toes. "Oh." He simply gasps.

He reacts as if he’s a five year old, completely forgetting that one needs shoes when going out.

"I forgot them," he explains. "I woke up from a kip and when I saw it was raining, I dashed out of the house to play."

Zayn wants to hit Liam with his lips. Preferably bite the sinfully pink bottom lip jutted at him. He wants to kiss Liam because that's simply silly but it works, you know? It works because Liam looks like he belongs doing silly things, playing under the rain, running barefooted and being perfect despite the chaotic raining.

"Well, I best be going," Zayn says, cringing a bit at how formal he sounded. He should feel comfortable with Liam now despite their ungrateful exchange of words. Third time’s a charm, isn’t?

"Wait!" Liam says when Zayn had already turned around and started walking. "I live near, if you want you can stay there for a while."

"You mean until the rain stops?" Zayn asks and Liam nods.

Zayn considers it for a moment, he looks around and finds the traffic building up. He knows the tube will be crazy tonight with this rain and it'll be difficult to hail a cab for the next hour. He looks back at Liam who's still playing with the hem of his jumper and flashing a wide smile.

"Where do you live then," Zayn asks. He sees Liam flusters before him and he hopes everything goes well tonight. Or until the rain stops, but really, who is he kidding?

& & &

Zayn groans when Liam pulls the trousers straining around him. 

It took them twenty minutes to arrive at Liam's flat. Zayn wanted to hit Liam every time he told him that they're almost there. The only thing that stopped him from actually killing Liam was the fact that Liam was fit as fuck and he's been blessed with perfect everything.

When they stepped inside the flat, Zayn couldn't stop himself anymore and pushes Liam against the nearest wall. 

"L-Liam," Zayn whispered, voice rasp. His breaths reached Liam's skin, creating bumps all over him.

Liam looked at him and swallowed deeply. He latched his arms around Zayn's neck while Zayn wrapped his hands around Liam's waist.

"This okay?" Zayn asked to which Liam only nodded.

Zayn took another step closer and looked at Liam one last time before he leaned in and took Liam's lips. Liam tasted sweet and addicting. He tasted of cinnamon and apples and candy and Zayn liked it. He never enjoyed eating sweets because it ruins the beer but Liam was an exception. He tasted better than Milky Way, tasted brighter than Skittles and so so much more compared to any dessert out there.

They both ended up inside Liam's room few minutes later, with Liam fully naked under him and Zayn only in his pants. 

Liam is staring at him, body glistening from the rain, moonlight on his face from the sliver on the curtain beside them. Zayn looks down at him, droplets of water from his locks falling Liam's stomach, making the latter shiver and giggle at the same time.

"This okay?" Zayn asks again when he leans down to press a kiss on Liam's navel. Liam gasps and nods, legs feeling weak beside Zayn's shoulders.

Zayn continues to pleasure both of them, the sound of rain pitter and pattering from the outside. Their bodies continue to press against one another, with the moonlight illuminating their movements, binding them and making them one. They both make sounds of appreciation and contentment as they caress and reach the perfect spot, asking for more and creating more impact.

It's something in between when Liam looks at Zayn intently and arches forward to seal their lips in a kiss.

"Let me make you happy," Liam whispers and Zayn only nods, already lost in every thrust.

"B-but I'm happy," Zayn counters at the same with his thrust. Liam cries under him, eyes shut and mouth agape.

"N-no you're not," Liam tries. He moans and holds to Zayn tightly, nails digging on Zayn's back. 

Zayn can't make his brain understand everything Liam is trying to say; all he can focus on is how their bodies are pressed together, moving as one and making sounds that brings pleasure to the ear.

"Let me make you happy," Liam says again, his lips on Zayn's collarbone. 

"F-fuck," Zayn rasps. "O-okay. Okay, Liam. Okay."

& & &

Zayn wakes up with the sunlight on his face and alone. He pulls the duvet over his head and nuzzles deep on the pillows. He breathes in deeply and realises that his sheets don't smell of jasmine and moringa. He uses the normal laundry detergent on his sheets and never, these flowery scents. He opens his eyes and sees blue. Funny, his duvet is black. 

He looks around and sees books all over the room. He stares at the funny looking curtains, filled with batman caricatures on the window and he wonders why isn't he even surprised with the fact that most of Liam's stuff are all comic related. It just sorts of suits him. 

He wonders where Liam is.

He sits up on the bed and looks around. There are no doors, only doorways and walls to set as dividers of the house. Across he sees the living room and a lot of things, really.

He pulls the duvet away and starts searching for his clothes. He didn't found any, even his socks are nowhere to be found. He sighs and gets up. He heads to the drawers and grabs himself a pair of pants. He smiles when he sees an old torn shirt with a .batman icon and pulls it over his head. He sighs and decides to borrow some of Louis' clothes later for work. 

He continues to look around the room, wearing Liam's clothes. 

He opens the closet and found it filled with comic books. It's crazy how the supposed to be containment of clothes are filled of comics and old other bunch of kids' stuff.

He fixes the duvet and starts looking for his phone. He exits the bedroom and finds himself standing in the living room. 

He finds a telly, which is a good thing. However, it isn't a flat screen. It's the old bulky box television you had in your childhood bedroom. Zayn looks at it amused and tries turning it on. Nothing came out on the screen and he wonders if it’s plugged. When he looks down, there's no cord nor any socket near the wall. What he notices however, is that telly's top cover was open and filled with soil and roses. 

Huh.

Liam's house seems impossible. It's utterly senseless.

He looks around the living room and finds a couch, a loveseat and a coffee table filled with potted cacti. Zayn never enjoyed taking care of plants, he knew he had cold hands and plants would survive even without his attention but no matter how many times Louis had tried putting a plant in his flat, it just dies.

He's really lucky that his fighting fish of three months is still alive.

He wanders around the flat, goes to the loo for a wee and finds a red antique medicine box. He tried opening it but it's the type that needs a key. He settles on just leaving it there because he's more determined looking for his phone more than anything else. He washes his hands and grabs the toothpaste when he hears his phone ring.

He dashes out of the room, searches through the entire room and continues to look. He finds himself standing right in front of one of the cupboards in Liam's small cozy kitchen. He opens the old wooden rickety door and sees his phone in there.

Huh.

He picks it up and presses the green button.

"Louis?"

"Zayn! Mate, where are you?" Zayn leans against the counter and stares at the flat. He wanders around the small flat and wonders where's Liam at.

"What do you want?" He asks instead and turns to look for a kettle and a mug.

"Just checking," Louis says over the phone. "I went to your house awhile ago and saw your car. I thought you overslept so when I came inside to check, I was surprised to find it empty. I mean, you never disappear?"

Zayn rolls his eyes and hisses. At around this time he should be already done with his first cigarette and on his way to work. But he couldn't just leave without his clothes from last night and leave the house wearing worn out shirts and jeans that look massive around his legs.

"I'm at a friend's house," Zayn says which earn him a long 'oooh' from the other line.

"A friend? I wonder," Louis says, voice teasing and starting to hurt Zayn's ear. "Does this friend walks dogs for a living?"

Zayn doesn't reply.

"Does this friend has brown eyes?"

No response. Zayn cheers internally when he sees the kettle from one of the top drawers. He turns on the faucet and fills it with water.

"Does this friend has the best puppy dog eyes then?"

"What? Puppy dog eyes? Liam doesn't have puppy dog eyes."

And then that's where Zayn had done his biggest mistake.

Louis is already laughing when Zayn hears the front door open. He can still hear Louis yapping from the other line when he sees Liam enter and a black fur ball behind. He looks at his phone and ends the call. He can deal with Louis later.

Right now, he needs to get out of here.

Liam sees him and flashes a big smile. He's carrying a paper bag and wearing a big maroon jumper. Zayn hears the kettle whistle.

Or maybe, he can stay for breakfast and then get out of here once he's done.

Right.

A black and white shih tzu comes running across the flat, its tail wagging exaggeratedly. Zayn turns off the stove and pours hot water in his mug.

"Coffee?" Liam asks as he plops the paper bag on the counter and looks at Zayn.

Zayn nods, feeling extremely underdressed and out of place, as he stares at Liam. He looks down at the dog on his feet and furrows his brows in realisation.

"It's Kimby, yeah?" Zayn asks. Liam looks at him over the shoulder, hands full with canisters of sugar, cream and coffee.

Liam smiles and nods. The dog barks upon hearing his name and lies on his tummy. Zayn kneels beside the dog and pets it. 

"I thought you didn't like dogs," Liam says when he starts with Zayn's coffee. 

Zayn stops petting Kimby's head and looks at Liam who's now walking towards him. He's carrying two mugs of steaming hot coffee and Zayn blinks when Liam hands his black coffee.

“I don't,” Zayn answers quietly. He needs a cigarette next, but then that would be too much. “I just didn’t want having one when I’m always out of the house.”

Zayn reaches for it and settles on the floor. Kimby rolls on his back and barks at Liam who also settles down and takes a seat beside Zayn. 

He doesn't know what to feel about this, doesn't understand how he's actually liking how they're sat beside each other, knee against knee and watching Kimby being cute on the floor.

"You know my coffee," Zayn says, surprised. 

"I remembered?" Liam replies, embarrassed. Kimby nuzzles his little shih tzu nose on Zayn's foot, making Liam giggle. He sips his coffee carefully and stares at the little hickey he left on Zayn's collarbone.

Zayn sips his coffee and exhales.

"Do you know where my clothes are?"

Liam falls silent and places his mug on the floor.

They are against the counter cabinets, legs crossed, and shoulders against each other. Kimby is between them doing his cute little puppy appeal, making Zayn snort once in awhile. Liam shrugs and stretches his legs.

"I gave them away," Liam says simply and Zayn looks at him, displeased.

"You gave my clothes away?"

Zayn stares at Liam in disbelief. He doesn't know what to feel about it. He's happy awhile ago, he really was. But then Liam tells him his clothes are gone–that's just. That's just bad. That's silly. Who the fuck does that?

"You're unhappy," he hears Liam mumble. Zayn takes a long sip of his coffee and gets up on his feet, knees bumping and shoulders colliding harshly. He runs a hand on his face, frustrated and tries not to scowl.

"Of course, I am."

Liam looks up at him and frowns. "But you have clothes. You can wear mine."

"But they're my clothes," Zayn says tiredly. He grits his teeth and places the mug on the near counter. It’s too early for them to have this conversation.

"But you're unhappy wearing those clothes, so I had to give them away," Liam explains, voice forceful. 

"Liam!" Zayn breaks away from the gaze and looks at the front door. A man in striking blonde hair walks in. He's wearing a green jumper and holding a newspaper roll. 

Liam gets up from the floor and smiles at the intruder. Zayn watches in annoyance, feeling completely out of place with what he’s wearing and who the fuck is this guy anyway?

“Niall,” Liam beams and Zayn glares at him which Liam completely ignored. Niall opens his arms and Liam sinks in the hug, face happy and relaxed. Niall places a kiss on Liam’s temple and rubs his back affectionately. 

Zayn stands there in the middle of the kitchen feeling insulted. What the fuck does Liam want from him? It was Zayn who he had slept with last night, and if anything Liam should be cuddly with him and not with this Niall guy speaking stupid Irish. 

Wait. 

Zayn blinks, because did he just thought of him and Liam cuddling? Since when did he even consider asking Liam out? Zayn shakes his head quietly. He really needs to get out of this house. 

Liam pulls away from the hug and bops Niall’s nose. “I want you to meet Zayn,” he chirps and Zayn feels his senses numb. Niall looks at him across the flat and puts a protective arm around Liam’s shoulder. He pulls Liam closer and they both dash back beside in the kitchen. 

“Hey,” Niall says blankly, offering a hand towards Zayn. Zayn just nods, keeping his hands to himself. It was rude of him, he knows but he’s being reasonable. Trust him. He may sort of being a dickhead but Niall deserves a cold shoulder. And, well, Liam too.

“Okay,” Niall says cooly, dropping the hand and wiping it on his chest instead. Liam looks at Zayn warily before he slowly push Niall away softly and dashes back to the counter. He starts pulling out pans and toast while Niall and Zayn still stare at each other.

Niall moves around the kitchen and bends to pick up Liam’s forgotten mug off the floor. “Li, I told you, mugs belong on the counter.”

Liam looks from his shoulder and smiles bashfully. “Sorry, sorry. You came in all of a sudden then I sort of forgot.”

Zayn snorts. _More of, you stride hurriedly; welcoming your boyfriend and forgetting that I. Am. Here._

Niall looks at Zayn smugly, a smirk replacing the smile and raises an eyebrow. 

“Well, I just came to check on you,” Niall says, standing behind Liam and placing a hand on Liam’s back. “I leave you lots to it.”

“How about breakfast?”

“Eh? I’ll be late,” Niall says. “‘sides, ‘m sure Harry has brought enough to fill my stomach of an army. You know his sister likes to snack on every hour.”

Liam giggles and nods. He sets a pan on the stove and starts cracking eggs.

Niall places another kiss on Liam’s temple and pokes Liam’s hip. Liam whines and pushes him away with a laugh. Niall looks at Zayn and shrugs before storming out of the room. Kimby comes running after him but stops in the middle when the door closes. Zayn rolls his eyes, _even the fucking dog adores the Irish._

Thinking that he shouldn’t be in this place at all, Zayn storms inside the bedroom and groans when there’s no door to slam against the wall. Why is Liam’s house doorless? He pulls a drawer and grabs the first pair of joggers he can grab and wears it in haste. He grabs his wallet atop the bedside table and stares at himself in front of the stand mirror. He wonders if he should change his shirt or grab a more decent jumper, but then it just add to reasons why he should see Liam again. 

More clothes, means more reasons to be attached, or whatever. He doesn’t really care. He needs to get out of here.

He walks to the living room and finds Liam looking at him worriedly.

“Where are you going?” Liam asks, voice small and eyes sad.

Zayn glares at him, disbelief clearly on his face.

“Out,” Zayn snaps. 

“Why? How about breakfast?”

“Is this how you play this game,” Zayn says. There’s annoyance and anger in his voice and Liam winces at every syllable. “Huh? Liam? You think this is fun?”

Liam frowns and places the fork down the table. 

“I don’t understand.”

Zayn places a hand on his forehead and shakes his head. He should be leaving already, but the look on Liam’s face is making him stay for no reason whatsoever, it’s almost painful. 

“No,” Zayn exhales. “What I don’t understand is what do you want from me, Liam.”

Liam falls silent, eyes dropping on the floor, toes unsettling and lips pouting. God, Liam looks painfully adorable and irresistible, Zayn doesn’t know where is he getting all this control. 

“Letting me sleep with you when you have a boyfriend,” Zayn continues. He searches for a pair of shoes that’s comfortable enough even without socks. “Who the fuck does that?”

It’s then that Liam finally looks up and starts walking to Zayn. He stares at Zayn with a small smile and grabs Zayn's right hand. 

“Niall is not my boyfriend, silly,” Liam says and Zayn tries his best not to roll his eyes. 

He really should stop being friends with Louis. He’s gotten this attitude from him.

“He’s one of my best mates. Nothing more. He looks after me, sure, but that’s just it.”

"But he kissed you."

"On my temple, like he's my nan."

Zayn snorts and looks at Liam quietly. He's fuming but he doesn't care. Instead of trying to understand Liam's words, he scowls and storms out of the room and out of the flat. He marches down the hall until he reaches the staircase and climbs down, the sound of slippers slapping painfully against the wooden steps. 

"Zayn! Zayn!" 

Zayn ignores him completely and steps out of the complex. Once on the sidewalk, he looks around and scans the place. He grumbles and fishes for his phone, deciding to call for a taxi because he doesn't know where the hell he is. 

"Zayn!" Liam shouts as soon as he's beside the raven haired man. "Will you just stop?"

Zayn pulls his hand away from Liam's grasp when the other man tries to hold him. 

"No. I will not stop."

"But, we are really just friends," Liam explains, breathing quick and labored from the running. He looks pale and definitely shaking but Zayn's completely irritated that he ignores all of this. 

Zayn shakes his head and heaves out a frustrated sigh. "Don't explain. I don't really care. It only makes me think that you planned this all along just to get laid."

Liam's eyes widen like saucers and his mouth gapes, his jaw clenching and tears brimming. It was uncalled for, and Zayn knew he's the one to blame when Liam turns around and quivers his shoulders like someone had thrown a bucketful of ice at him. 

Zayn regrets everything that came out of his mouth when Liam starts running, legs moving quickly away from him. He watches in frozen state when Liam bumps onto someone, making the old lady drop her groceries. Liam hurriedly picks up everything and hands the items to the lady before resuming on running away. Zayn knows he should be following Liam. He should apologise and say that he didn't mean every thing he said; should convince Liam that he's the one who's wrong and that he'll eat breakfast with him and that last night was _amazing_. 

A cab stops before him even before he could will himself to follow Liam's small figure amidst the throng of people and the obnoxious voice of _Until you were gone_ from his phone (Louis' ringing tone) just prove how coward of a man he is.

And maybe he knows that Liam knows it, too.

& & &

"Zayn?" 

A blonde girl knocks on Zayn's office and peeks at the frame. She raises an eyebrow and Zayn looks at her, surprised, as if he was in the middle of his stupor. She shakes her head with fondness she always give to Zayn when she wants to assure him that everything will be fine.

Zayn wants to think that everything will, eventually, be fine.

"Perrie?"

"It's Mr. Cowell of SC Productions. He's on line two," she says with a small smile. Zayn nods and looks at the flashing red button on the telephone. 

When he arrived work that morning, a little bit past nine, Louis was watching him curiously. Perrie and Jade, Caroline's secretaries stopped on their tracks and looked at him just like what Louis did. He went to work in Liam's trackies and shirt and he'd never felt so ashamed in his entire life. Not because he went in wrong clothes, but because of the last words he'd told Liam.

Luckily, Louis had always kept a spare suit and the office has a private bathroom for employees assigned to work overnight so Zayn took a bath and dressed into clothes more fitting at work. Nobody dared to ask what's wrong, Louis thought Liam had robbed him but when Zayn had rudely shut the bathroom door before Louis' face, Louis had known it was something deep. 

Jade served him his usual coffee and even cracked the windows of his office to let him smoke even if Caroline had completely insisted them not to. They all figured that Zayn's silence meant something terrible bad had happened. Perrie fixed Zayn's intercom and accepted calls for him, as help. It was an added task for her, but it's all she can do for a friend.

Zayn picks up the phone and looks at the time on his phone. It's already half past one and time draws excruciating slower than usual.

"Zayn Malik," he says on the speaker. "Mr. Cowell?"

"I didn't know you had a secretary," comes the reply. "Caroline hadn't informed me so much. Zayn Malik, yeah?"

"I don't have, sir. A secretary, I mean," he breathes. He doesn't need to be all peachy right now but he couldn't just forget the way Liam had looked at him upset and awful and almost broken. 

"Something went wrong with my telephone so all calls for me were directed at Perrie's. Anyway, how can I help you, Mr. Cowell?"

The man on the other line chuckles and flips through the pages obnoxiously.

"So I know you're already given a list of possible sellers, correct?"

"Yes sir," he replies. "I have already started with narrowing down all possible companies, but haven't talked to someone who could catch your attention."

"Yes. The same goes for me. I called because I want you to check your email."

Zayn quickly rolls his chair towards the laptop on the opposite side of the telephone and clicks the envelope icon on the side bar on the screen. He clicks the email from SC Productions and scans through it.

"Can you click the attached file?"

Zayn double clicks the paper clip icon and furrows his brows when he sees _Payno Records_ on the screen. Underneath the brand name are other pieces of information–contact number, address and two names who owns the company. There are other basic facts, too. The year it was instituted, albums it had produced, audience it caters to and other facts that serves useful.

"Have you seen it?" Simon asks from the other line and Zayn answer a low yes as he scrolls down the pdf file.

"So I'm sure you've heard of Ed Sheeran and James Bay?"

"Of course, Brits' famous lads at the moment."

"Well, they were signed under Payno Records and from what I've heard the company has been receiving a good number of demo everyday."

"And you want to buy Payno Records because?"

"Because they've hired and signed the same number of artists SC did for decades when they've only started five years ago. I think my interest in increasing shares will not be wasted on them."

Zayn studies the file on the screen and looks at the number of artists they've signed. Simon is overreacting. Theatrics is his middle name, Zayn's most definite, because they've only signed 15 artists for the past five years. Yet, Zayn thinks the reason why Simon wants Payno Records is because despite the small company, all artists they've signed had been successful. 

Success means fame. Fame means money. Zayn understands.

"Of course sir. I shall contact them right now."

He can hear the grimace on Simon's face and Zayn feels a little bit better. A good pat on the shoulder about work is one thing to lighten up his mood. 

"That's what I want to hear. So, I'll be expecting updates in a week. Send Maddie, she's my secretary, details. I'm willing to buy them no matter how much it'll cost me."

"I understand. Enjoy the trip in Italy, Mr. Cowell."

"Cheers!" 

He hangs up and places the phone down. Zayn leans against the chair and swivels it around, eyes closed and breaths heavy. 

Later that afternoon, Zayn picks up the phone again and dials Payno Records' office. He sighs when the call hits the third ring. He doesn't like it when calls are not picked up immediately. He's about to hang up because he's still not in the mood when the line connects and a voice of a woman answers.

"Payno Records, how may I help you?"

"This is Zayn Malik from Watson Brokerage—"

"I'm sorry, we're not for sale," and the line's off. Zayn stares at the receiver, shocked and dials the number again.

The line connects after the third ring (again). 

"Payno Records. How may I help you?"

"This is Zayn Malik. Don't hang up on me," he finishes quickly. 

The woman on the other line grumbles and Zayn knows she's glaring. 

"How may I help you?" The woman says with mirth. Zayn wonders where the hatred is coming from.

"I am from Watson Brokerage and right now, Mr. Cowell from SC Productions is offering a generous help."

"Hold on, let me transfer you to Mr. Styles," the voice replies and Zayn waits in his seat. The sun streaming from the windows is lovely and Zayn wishes to draw the sunset. He curses at the sudden desire because he's never been the one to spurt old dreams when in work. It tarnishes everything.

"Styles," a deep manly voice rings in his ear and Zayn snaps from the floor on his screen. "How can I be of service Mr. Malik? Did I pronounce it right?"

"Yes, sir. I'm from Watson Brokerage and currently, Mr. Cowell from SC Productions is my employer. I'm sure you're aware of Mr. Cowell's good deed on helping small recording companies and offering financial stability."

"I may have heard that, yes," is Styles' reply. "But I am also aware Payno Records' background doesn't cut for Mr. Cowell's liking. And just like my secretary have mentioned a while ago, we are not for sale."

Zayn scrolls on the file on the screen of his laptop and looks at the name of Styles. 

"Mr. Harry Styles, may I please speak to someone who's more apt for this conversation?"

"And what's that supposed to mean?"

"Because I am informed that you're only VP of the company. May I speak to the CEO so I can lay the transaction properly?"

He hears the man chuckled softly, "As of the moment, the CEO of the company is unavailable. He's attending our friend's hospital appointment. And besides, those are just titles. You can still disclose your transaction with me. I don't see any problem with that."

"Alright," Zayn submits into defeat and sighs. "If you would be so kind, can I set a dinner meeting with Payno Records to talk about this offer?"

"I don't think you understand that Payno Records isn't for sale Mr. Malik."

"A dinner on Thursday perhaps? I'll buy wine and the steak," he tries. 

"It's a no. Thursday is Pasta day. Thank you for the offer, though. Now if you don't mind, I need to hang up now. I was in the middle of signing Years and Years when you called. I need to get back to Olly, god knows what he can do when he's bored."

Zayn can already hear Simon's voice full of disappointment.

& & &

It's on next day when Zayn thinks he needs to settle whatever issues he has with Liam so he can work on his game with Payno Records. He's given a week to at least start working it out. And he knows he can't focus on work when Liam's horrified and upset face haunts him every second of the day.

Yesterday had been awful. 

Especially when he came home. 

Louis drove him home and before he could step out of the car, his best mate tossed a bag of Liam's clothes at him. He tried his best to forget Liam the entire day and when he saw the old comic shirt and grey sweats, he stumbled out of the car with a frown etched on his face. Louis didn't comment, hadn't said much but just pushed him inside the house with a piercing gaze and ordered him to get back to his old self. 

Louis knew what happened with Payno Records yesterday and he promised to do everything he can to set the deal. Zayn only nodded but knew it would be difficult to get through Harry Styles. He sounded like a very determined and strong-willed man.

Thinking about brown _puppy_ eyes, and pink soft lips and not to mention a body so strong yet so pliant all the same, Zayn sighs as he walks out of his house and gets inside his car. He ties to recall of all the possible place he may find Liam. He’s thinking about going directly to his house but at the same time, doesn’t want to see Niall there and let jealousy take over. 

Yes, he is, as a matter of fact, jealous at Niall. (Even if they weren’t boyfriends.) (Still.)

He drives off the driveway, the weather almost too bright for his sulking and horrendous mood. He woke up earlier than his alarm and stared at his pet fighting fish while he chugged down his coffee and actually felt that he needed another pet; that he needed someone to be with, aside from the swimming blue fighting fish inside the small bowl atop his kitchen counter. 

Trying the best of his luck, he stops right in front of the coffee shop. Usually, Zayn parks his car first before walking the two minute-trip to grab his second coffee of the day and a proper breakfast, but because he has no intentions of going to work without finding Liam first, he opts that this will be so much better (and more favourable, to say the least.)

Once parked, Zayn gets inside the coffee shop to see if Liam is already here. It is a bit nonsensical, really. He doesn’t even know what’s Liam schedule is and yet he’s here, hoping to the gods that Liam will magically appear. 

(He’s never a fan of fate, but fuck it.)

He orders for his usual tall black joe, thinking that if he can compare his feelings with a hot beverage, black’s most definitely the best. He looks around while the girl behind the counter rings his order and pulls out two donuts from the glass case. Zayn turns around when the door pings open and hopes that it’s Liam. He tries not to frown that much when it wasn’t him.

Taking a seat at the far end of the shop where he can have a great view of the entire store (and the door even from afar), Zayn settles on the chair and pulls out his phone to punch a quick message and sends it to Louis, Jade and Perrie. Even before he could set the phone down, Louis’ ringing tone plays softly and Zayn swipes it quickly and presses the phone against his ear.

“You okay?”

Zayn tries his best to relax in his seat and heaves out a dejected sigh.

“Yeah, I guess.”

“You guess?” Louis replies, voice turning a bit worried. “Hey, is this about Cowell?”

Zayn picks up the donut and takes a small bite. He can’t help but compare the way Liam’s lips felt against his--soft, pink and fucking unforgettable. 

"No," he sighs. He doesn't know how to explain everything to Louis. He's his best mate, alright, but there are things he wishes not to disclose on him because Louis has a load on his own. Besides, this problem with Liam doesn't concern Louis and his undying teasing. But, then he might need Louis. He might. He might not. He doesn't know.

"Hey, Zee," Louis says softly. There's a sound of door closing from his end and Zayn figures that Louis had closed the door of his office for privacy. "You know you can always tell me if something's wrong, yeah? I'm also your friend, not just colleague."

Zayn nods absentmindedly and takes a sip of his coffee. It's too bitter he thinks which is silly, because he likes his joe black and yet he's craving for something sweet.

"I know," is his quiet reply. "It's just. It's not work, even if we're facing some issues with work, but it's not work. It's a person, actually."

"Is this something to do with Liam? That his name, yeah?"

Zayn swallows the bitter liquid and heaves a heavy sigh.

"I knew it," Louis concludes. 

"Was I obvious?"

"Yesterday, I called you and you denied being at Liam's house. I was really hoping you'd tell me how your night was–"

"I don't kiss and tell you twat," Zayn hurries, annoyed.

Louis cackles and Zayn makes a small smile, dipping the donut in his coffee and taking a bite.

"I know, god. I do know, alright? But then, when you came here, wearing clothes obviously from Liam's, and trying your best to contain your facial expression, I knew something happened. We tried bribing you on free food yesterday, if you have forgotten, but ignored us with your brooding."

Zayn wipes his mouth with the napkin and looks at the door. A few people wearing suits and trousers enter but Liam isn't one of them.

"I don't know what's wrong with me," Zayn says. "I slept with him, I did. But I don't know. I don't fucking understand Lou. I can't stop thinking about him."

"Did you two ever talk of what will happen after you had sex? Did you at least made it on breakfast?"

"Yeah," Zayn breathes. "We had coffee, he tried making breakfast but I flipped and ran away."

He hears Louis suck in his breath and a few shuffling of paper on the background. 

"And you ran away because?" Louis asks. Zayn remains silent until Louis speaks again. "Come on, man. Don't be a fucking cunt and tell me, what is it do you want to do?"

"I don't know. I wanna see him but I don't know where and how and what should I say?"

Louis chuckles softly and Zayn wonders if he said something funny.

"Do you love Liam?"

"That's a bit too much, innit? I've only met him three times–"

"And yet you can't stop thinking about him? That's a bit too much, right?" Louis counters and Zayn closes his eyes until he hears the doorbell ring again. It's a couple and not Liam.

"Do you like him, then?"

Zayn bites his bottom lip and crumples the used napkin.

"I just want to see him," is his reply.

Louis sighs and he could clearly see that his best mate is nodding along with him. He watches the door open for the nth time and feels dejected when it was no Liam.

"Okay, mate," Louis says after a few moments of silence. "I asked Perrie to give you a week off. She's talking to Caro now. You need some ''me" time since you've been cooped in here for eternity."

Zayn tries to argue but Louis cuts him first.

"Find Liam, a'right? Talk to him, I don't know. Get whatever closure you're looking for, but don't go back in the office without cleaning your mess. I'll deal with Simon and the Payno Records. I'll go to your computer and sort the mails, yeah? Jade will help me, so just do your thing."

Zayn remains quiet. 

"I hope a week's enough, but I'm telling you Zee, don't come back here without getting back in your game. You look like shit, mate, yeah?"

"Thanks," is Zayn quick response. 

Louis reminds him to just stay in touch and he tells Louis that if he really needs help, he may contact him. Louis tries to reject his offer but agrees nonetheless. It's Simon Cowell they are working for, after all.

He spends another hour in the coffee shop.

It's almost nine and the cafe's already empty when he decides that Liam will not come. He knows he shouldn't feel upset because they made no promises, but it still hurts.

He can't help but wonder if this is what Liam felt when he said to those harsh things on him. 

& & &

Zayn decides to go for a short drive around London, even if a) London traffic is a mess and b) it's too bloody early (or bright, really) for a drive. Drives should be spent on midnights, he thinks.

He tries to think of all possible places he can find Liam when really, the best place to be is to drop by Liam's house. It's so simple but Zayn refuses to believe that Liam will be there. Besides, Zayn may have or may have not forgotten Liam's address. 

Stopping on the red light, Zayn pulls the hand break and slumps in his seat while playing with the radio stations, looking for a decent one. He cracks his window open and lights a cigarette. Zayn is lazily blowing the first puff, eyes up in the sky, wishing for a sunny day when he notices a pack of dogs crossing the street. His eyes blink once, twice and thrice because right there, in front of him, on the pedestrian lane is Liam Payne and the infamous three dogs who took a piss on his wheels. 

His chest heaves shallowly and his heart beats rapidly and he swears to god he's not so sure what happened but he gets out of his car, ignoring the loud honking from other cars and approaches Liam.

It's Kimby who first notices him and Liam almost yelps when Kimby walks at the opposite direction, where Zayn is.

"Hold it Kimby! Where are yo–"

Zayn smiles weakly and he thinks the ground should swallow him alive because the look on Liam's face is just disheartening. 

"Zayn," Liam says, surprised and Zayn nods slowly.

The traffic light might have turned green already because the vehicles surrounding them are already speeding off. People are watching from either sides of the road and Zayn's car is blocking a lane, shielding them from the other passing vehicles.

"Move it, aresholes!" One driver shouts as he speeds off past them and Zayn glares at the direction of the car while Liam winces.

"I know this is–"

"Surprising," Liam finishes.

"Yes. But I hope you would–"

"Get in the car with you," Liam answers for him again and Zayn nods quickly.

Liam shrugs and looks at the red traffic light again, stopping the vehicles and letting people cross. The three dogs are sitting quietly around them and Zayn swallows the lump in his throat because what now? Will Liam actually agree? 

"If you don't mind?" Zayn squeaks, his left hand playing nervously with his tie. The fresh lit cigarette is already ignored and stomped on the ground.

Liam lifts the main leash in his right hand, "The dogs will need to get in, too."

Zayn eyes the two big dogs and the small shih tzu before nodding furiously.

"Of course," he stammers like a five-year-old kid as he walks towards the back door and opens it carefully, ignoring all the beeping and cursing at them. Liam follows him and ushers the golden retriever first, followed by the labrador puppy and finally by the shih tzu that seems restless upon seeing Zayn's face. Liam hurries around the car and gets inside the passenger seat while Zayn gets in, too, after flipping the other drivers with a growl and speeds away as soon as the light turned green.

Liam turns on his seat to check the dogs and he smiles weakly when all of them but the shih tzu look at him quite helplessly. The retriever is shaking on the floor, ears folded down and antsy. The labrador pup is seating on the leather seat, nose on the window and making sounds of curiosity and worry. The shih tzu, however, despite being the smallest, is all too relaxed and contented, lying on his tummy and looking at Liam with wide, gleaming eyes.

"Kimby seems to like you," Liam comments as he sits properly on his chair and looks straight ahead.

Zayn makes a sound of agreement and continues to drive. 

"You want to talk?" Liam asks and Zayn nods when he makes a right turn on the next street. It's the street leading to a park and Zayn figures that he shouldn't stop Liam from his job just because he wants to talk.

"I. Uh, yeah," Zayn swallows, the taste of cigarette lingering on his tastebuds. "If you don't mind. We could go to the park and walk them and still talk. I think, I mean."

Liam doesn't reply but the soft pat on Zayn's thigh made him smile, if it's any indication.

They found a parking space at the end of the street and Zayn smiles when Liam's hurried steps out of the car lingered for a bit in his ears. Liam opens the back door quickly and all three dogs jump at him, making him fall on his bum and Zayn hastily runs at him. He offers a hand and Liam smiles sheepishly while trying to hold all three leashes.

"They get excited when they see the park," Liam explains and Zayn nods with a small smile.

"Can I help?" 

"You can take Kimby," Liam offers and reaches out the purple leash. "Tori and Baxter don't like other walkers. Might be difficult for you."

He really wants to walk the labrador pup but nods instead. Kimby seems to be a fine dog, nothing to be worried about.

In the end, Kimby was a total disaster. He gets tired easily and Liam laughs softly whenever Zayn trips because Kimby has decided to stop walking. There are so many instances that Zayn must carry the small shih tzu, while Liam and his pack are already a few steps away from them. 

After their 30-minute walk, Liam releases them from their leashes and lets them wander around the small dog park, wired and fenced, to avoid losing the pets, and lets them play on their own. Zayn watches as the three dogs mingle with other dogs and laughs when Kimby stumbles on the ground, avoiding a smaller shih tzu that is barking at him playfully. 

Liam points at an empty bench and Zayn nods. They sit on the bench just beside a large tree where they have a full view of the dog park. 

"You wanted to talk?" Liam asks again and Zayn feels his fingers twitch. 

The sound of kids running around the other side of the park and water flowing from the water fountain make everything seem serene but Zayn's heart beats otherwise. 

"I want to say I'm sorry," Zayn breathes. The sun is up and beautiful, just like Liam's eyes and lips and does he want to feel the plump ones against his chapped lips.

"You want to?"

Zayn tries his best not to scowl. 

"I'm sorry Liam. I didn't mean what I said yesterday. I just got frustrated," he says forlornly.

He sees Baxter and Tori dashing off with a pug and they all tackle one another with funny faces. He can't help but think that his fighting fish at home is lonely. And he is, too.

"I know," is Liam's reply after a few moments of silence, save from the sounds of chirping birds up the tree. "I just want to make you happy. I know you're not happy."

Zayn furrows his brows and scrunches his face. "I am happy."

Liam smiles and Zayn knows that he's not convinced. 

"Why are you here, wearing a suit instead of sitting in your office doing paper work?"

Zayn thinks for a moment; he opens his mouth to say something but closes it abruptly, feeling defeated.

"You look out of place," Liam adds and Zayn smiles at that.

"Okay," he concludes when Liam continues to stare at him. "What is it that you do exactly?" 

"I help people, I guess. And dogs; like therapy of some sort."

"Was that your major back in uni? Psychology and stuff?"

Liam chuckles and shakes his head. He settles much comfortably on the bench and looks ahead, breaking his gaze from Zayn.

"Sound engineering, actually. But, got bored and here I am, helping people. My plan takes for at least a month. Just give me a month and then I assure you, you'll be genuinely happy after that."

Zayn shakes his head and runs a hand on the lapels of his suit. 

"I can't just ditch work for a month. I can only give you a day," Zayn explains. No matter how much Louis had offered him awhile ago to have a break, they both know Cowell isn't quite an easy man to please. He's really thankful he'd met Liam already because he can ease his mind and go back to work tomorrow.

Liam remains quite for a bit but nods nonetheless.

"Okay, a day," he says, feigning annoyance, but the smile on his face says otherwise. "Give me a day and I'll make sure you're happy by the time we eat dinner."

Zayn smiles, wide and alive and he knows this is worth everything.

& & &

After returning the dogs to their respective owners, Liam guides Zayn and Kimby back home. Zayn is actually a bit shocked when Liam rejected the amount of notes being handed at him for walking the dogs. He really wasn't lying when he told Zayn the last time that he's doing these things just for fun.

Zayn smiles when he sees the complex and once he enters the flat, he can't help but feel the stirring and tugging of 'home' when he hears the wooden floor creak under his leather shoes. Kimby hurries off to his dish bowl and Liam laughs lightly when he closes the door.

Liam's house is anything but normal. It's filled with everything and anything. There are old vinyl records, mismatching chairs on the dining table and couches that has weird prints and finishing. There are no appliances save from the record player and small antique radio that Zayn sure is shares the same state with the open television.

"So what shall we do?" Zayn asks when Liam speeds on his bedroom. There's nothing to hide since there are no doors but Zayn wants to give him privacy, even for a bit because he has no idea what's Liam's planned for their day together.

"We need to change your clothes," Liam replies, emerging from the bedroom with jeans and a white tee. There's also a leather jacket in between and Zayn wonders where did Liam get a jacket that doesn't complement his sweet face.

"I bought it yesterday," as if to have read Zayn's mind. "I thought this would look good on you." He flashes the jacket and Zayn wonders if it would look great on him.

"Thanks?" Zayn replies and stands uncertainly before Liam. The latter grins and places the change of clothes on the coffee table.

"The watch must go, too," Liam says as he begins unhooking the watch and looks at it with disgust. "Time should be less of our concern now."

Time is always his priority, Zayn wants to say, but he nods instead and lets Liam take it away from him. He also ask for Zayn's phone and promises to keep it somewhere safe, together with the watch. 

"Just for today, yeah? You promised to give me a day," Liam reminds him when Zayn made a face.

Smiling brightly, Liam offers the clothes to Zayn and lets him use the bathroom for privacy.

Once done, Liam admires the new look on the other boy and raises a thumb of approval.

"Do you feel happy?" Liam asks and Zayn snorts.

"I feel different," he replies with honesty and glances down on his bare feet, to the old black pair of jeans that seems to fit his skinny legs perfectly, the white tee that hugged his torso nicely and the leather jacket that screams a new version of Zayn. It's different and feels so much nicer and when he looks up at Liam in his jeans and moss green jumper, he feels happy.

"Different is good," Liam mumbles when he steps into Zayn's space and looks at him intently. "You look nice. Beautiful, even," he adds before leaning in to press a kiss on Zayn's lips. Zayn instinctively wraps a hand around Liam's waist and pulls him closer.

This is what he's been missing; what's been making him brood in his office, because he misses the way Liam's lips feel against his. He needs to rekindle the moment they spent that night and it's making him mad because. Because it should be weird, it should be wrong. How can someone feel so different yet like it's all right and how can everything click in place that easily when you've never met the person that long; haven't gotten to know him that well and yet itms okay. It's perfect, even.

Reluctantly, Liam pulls back and rests his forehead against Zayn's. 

"Let's go to the bookstore and shop for dinner," he grins and Zayn nods, eyes closed and smile plastered on his face.

"I hope you like curry," Liam says and tangles their hands together.

Kimby is already asleep, half of his body on the floor and the other half on he rag when Zayn and Liam look to find him. Liam smiles and Zayn tightens the hold on their hands.

"I love curry," he says exaggeratedly and it's worth it, because Liam blushes and grins so wide, it might split his face into two.

They walk a few blocks, and Zayn finds the old bookstore Liam tells him about. They spend an hour skimming through old books and lip locking behind shelves. Zayn has never felt this desire of wanting to feel another person near him in his entire life, but he's not doubting anything because it's been decades for him to be this happy. 

Liam shows him some of his favourite books while Zayn plays at the hem of Liam's jumper. He listens intently and nods when Liam pouts, recalling what part made him sad or cry and Zayn basks into the openness and genuinely kisses his cheek because Liam is just irresistible.

They lurk around a small Asian market to retrieve the ingredients they need for their curry and to a small Tesco around the corner for ice cream as dessert. 

"This is amazing," Zayn says when they step outside the balcony. Liam only grins and takes a seat across the table. 

Zayn inhales the deep strong scent of chicken curry and the fluffy rice while Liam starts eating. 

Dinner went quickly and Liam goes back, bringing two spoons and a big bowl of ice cream. They sit on the bench beside the railing of the balcony and Zayn wraps an arm around Liam while the latter balances the bowl between his knees. 

They eat in silence and Zayn looks at Liam who's looking at him happily. They share a few kisses once in a while, eyes on the horizon of streaming lights of the city and Zayn wonders if he can be part of this quiet life. He starts considering if he wants to be still, and be part of this routine with Liam beside him.

He wonders if Liam would have him. He thinks how fast he must've fallen. It's impossible but he's already fallen deep.

"Do you really like to be in the brokerage?" Liam asks as he scoops already melted ice cream and pushes it in Zayn's lips. Zayn takes is willingly and rubs a thumb on Liam's flushes cheeks. He's a little bit warm than usual but Zayn doesn't comment.

"I wanted to be a painter," Zayn says sincerely, voice small and fragile, like he's unraveling secrets from the deep dark pit of his heart.

"Really?" Liam smiles, sitting closer against Zayn. 

"My dad wants me in the field, actually. He's been against my preferences in life and when I told him that I'm gay, we made an agreement just as not to upset my mum."

Liam lays his on Zayn's shoulder and places the bowl beside him. 

"You're a good son," Liam whispers, the night wind rustling around them, blowing against their skins. 

"I doubt that."

"But you are," Liam assures him. He reaches for Zayn's free hand and plays with it quietly. "You took after your dad's dreams and made them happy. I'm sure they're proud of you."

"I hope," Zayn replies, unable to stop himself, placing a kiss on Liam's temple. "Dinner was excellent. Let me help you clean up."

"Nah, just leave it there. I can just soak them and wash them tomorrow."

In the end, Zayn is the one who washes the dishes while Liam is sitting on his feet, back against the doors of the counter drawers and Kimby on his laps.

"Why don't you just buy a dishwasher if you're too lazy to wash the dishes?" 

Liam giggles and ties Kimby's fur off the dog's forehead.

"I don't know. I don't have the money?"

Zayn submerges his hands and scrubs off the remnants on the plate with a brush. He doesn't comment on the money issue because Liam could possibly get everything he wants, he walks dogs for a living, he has this therapy thing he's going and he wonders what's stopping him from actually asking for fee. 

"What are you going to do once you get home?"

Zayn opens the faucet and rinses the cutleries. "I don't know."

"I know what you're going to do," Liam says and Kimby waggles his butt off of bis lap.

"Yeah?" Zayn replies, placing the dishes on the rack while listening. "Tell me."

"You're going to turn on your laptop, turn on the telly, because you're so obsessed with tellys. You gotta check your phone, call your colleagues. The usual boring life of a broker. If you want, take Kimby with you."

Zayn snorts and turns off the faucet. He pulls the rag from the cupboard and dries his hands.

"It's not boring," Zayn says when he looks down at Liam and shakes his head. "It's work."

"It is boring when you're not actually enjoying it," Liam counters with a smile on his face, trying to push the subject lightly.

"And I thought I'm making my parents proud because I took their advice?"

Liam waves a hand and rolls his eyes. "I know they are proud of you, but are you happy? Are you really genuinely happy working at the brokerage?"

Zayn offers a hand and Liam clutches to him tightly, getting up on his feet. 

"I am happy now," he says instead and Liam looks up at him behind the lashes and smiles shyly.

"I am glad that you are happy," is his reply. 

They share a quick goodbyes and kisses one last time. Kimby is craving for attention but Zayn is all too engrossed on Liam's cheeks between his hands and lips against his to pay the dog mind. He wants to stay, wants to tell him a lot of things. He wants to share with Liam all his secrets and childhood dreams and how he never felt this amazing with anyone but with Liam.

However, he knows he can't because he fears that once he wills himself to be with Liam, a lot of things will change and he doesn't know if he's ready to run away from time and be still with Liam.

He knows Liam is worth it, but can he handle it?

He thinks, not just yet.

& & &

Zayn is on his desk, television on, some news on BBC and laptop right in front of him, a bottle of beer on his right and ash tray on his left.

He stares at the open email on his screen and tries his best to focus on reading the text but thoughts of Liam and all the things they did the entire day are running in his head and he can't help but miss him.

He's still wearing the clothes Liam has chosen for him, not minding the way the leather jacket smells like Liam and the strands of fur on his black jeans. 

Thinking that nothing will be get done, he scoops his phone and dials Louis' number.

"Zayn?" 

"One week, you said, yeah?"

"Yeah, mate. A week. Just– are you okay?"

He doesn't know, is the thing and he wants to just test all the hypotheses in his head while he opens the door of his closet, scooping a few shirts and jeans he only wears on weekends and lads night.

"Yeah. I am. I–I saw Liam today, and I," he stops as he zips his bag and looks around in search of other things he thinks he needs.

"And you're feeling better? Did you two talk?"

"We talked and yeah, everything's different, better. It's amazing, I think."

Louis chuckles from the other line and Zayn smiles as he closes his bedroom door shut.

"A week, and then I'm going back."

"And you're sure you don't love him?" 

Zayn laughs because he knows Louis is just teasing him. "I don't know. Maybe. Fuck."

"Hey, relax. I don't know what's gotten into you, but I'm here, yeah? I'll be here. I already set a meeting with Payno Records and Mr. Cowell. I will call you when the date's set, yeah?"

Zayn hums as reply and hangs up. He turns off everything before closing the front door and getting inside his car. 

He drives off to the address he knows he will never forget in the speed of light. Once parked, Zayn hurries out, ignoring the cold crisp of wind against his cheeks. He's his bag slung over his shoulder and hands nestling the fishbowl with his pet inside. He climbs the stairs and when he reaches Liam's floor, he speeds on his flat and knock on the door.

He can hear Kimby rustling inside and Liam's hushing and footsteps and he feels silly for being nervous and worried and everything just washes off him when the door creak opens and Liam looks at him sleepily.

"Zayn," he mumbles, surprised. Zayn nods and takes a step inside. He lays the fishbowl on the table near and pulls Liam for a hug.

"Let's do this," Zayn whispers, not really know what he meant but Liam nods, shirt and joggers perfectly crumpled against his. 

"Let's sleep first," Liam replies and kisses Zayn's neck.

& & &

Zayn wakes up to Liam's light brown eyes casted on him. 

"Morning," Zayn says and Liam nods before leaning down to press a kiss on his lips, morning breath be damned. 

It's funny how he feels so relaxed and free and unsurprisingly, happy. 

"Morning. Breakfast?" Liam offers and Zayn nods like a kid, his smile almost blinding. Kimby is jumping beside the bed and Liam laughs when the dog barks, asking for attention. Liam places a kiss on Zayn's exposed chest, pulling away quickly when Zayn lets out a groan and reaches for Liam's neck.

"You play with Kimby and I'll cook food," Liam says and Zayn rolls his eyes. Liam jumps off of the bed and Zayn watches the white skin of Liam's back and perfectly small waist where the joggers are hanging loosely. He turns on the bed and scoops Kimby off the floor. The dog beams and nuzzles his nose against Zayn's neck when he hears the front door open.

He looks past Kimby, trying to see the person entering the flat, but at the same time has a feeling who it might be, and sits up straight. He rolls off the bed, Kimby in his arms and reaches for the white tee on the chair. He places Kimby gingerly on the floor and he watch in a little annoyance when the dog hurries for the visitor, leaving Zayn in the room. He wears the shirt quickly and runs a hand on his hair, fixing his trackies and stepping out of the room.

He wants to grit his teeth in annoyance but remains silent when he spots the Irishman beside Liam by the kitchen counter.

"Morning," Zayn says and Liam turns around to greet him with a smile. Niall turns around too and studies his built from head to toe. 

"You're here," Niall says blankly and Zayn looks at him cautiously. 

"Do you have a problem with that?" Zayn asks quite politely and Liam smiles at him encouragingly.

"We're just having breakfast, Ni. Why don't you join us?" Liam says, as he lifts a plate of toast from the counter and transfers it on the dining table.

Zayn settles on a chair and waits for Liam to pour his mug some hot water. He fixes himself a cup of joe while Niall sits across him. The Irish grabs a toast and munches on it quietly, eyes still on Zayn.

"Is Harry coming?" Liam asks and Zayn tries to recall who Harry is. 

"He will. Told me he's going to pick me up," Niall says and Liam nods while sitting beside Zayn. Zayn looks beside him and smiles at Liam, offering his coffee.

Liam takes a sip from his joe willingly, but makes a face when the bitter taste assaulted his taste buds.

"You're boring," Liam says in mock disgust and Zayn chuckles. He reaches for an empty cup and fixes Liam coffee, with cream and sugar this time.

They eat breakfast in silence, Niall making small talk with Liam while Zayn is occupied on playing with Liam's hair. Kimby is on his lap and Zayn thinks that Kimby likes him better. The front door opens and another man greets them a good morning.

"Oh, I didn't know Liam has a visitor," the man slow drawls and Zayn turns around to see the person Liam is with on their very first encounter in the coffee shop about months ago.

"Harry, meet Zayn," Liam says. Zayn looks at the green orbs and offers a hand.

"Zayn Malik," Zayn introduces and the other man looks a bit dumbstruck.

"Oh," Harry mumbles, eyes falling on Niall who gives him a stern nod. He looks back at Liam and then to Zayn and flashes a wide smile.

"Harry," Harry says. "I hope you're doing fine. Liam can be quite a handful sometimes."

Liam pouts and huffs while Zayn chuckles lightly, hugging Liam closer. Harry eyes them carefully and then takes a seat beside Niall across the table.

"Do you want anything? I forgot to shop for food, but we have toast," Liam says and Harry shakes his head, stealing Niall's toast and Liam's coffee. Zayn watches in amusement how these three look so comfortable around each other.

"It's alright. Ni and I need a lot to do at work," Harry says, getting up at the same time. "We can drop by next time for dinner."

"If you're sure," Liam replies quietly and Harry nods. He places a kiss on Liam's temple and waves at Zayn before stepping out of the flat.

Niall crouches down to give Liam a hug and kisses his temple, too. He whispers something in Liam's ear and Zayn tries his best not to get suspicious about it. He places another kiss on Liam's temple and hurries out of the flat, saying a quick goodbye to Zayn.

"Are you alright?" Zayn asks once the door shut close, sensing that the sudden change of mood might be because of Niall.

Liam looks at him with a bright smile and reaches for his hands. 

"Let's go around town," Liam says and Zayn takes a sip of his coffee before nodding.

& & &

They spend their mornings with breakfast inside the flat or sometimes in the diner just across the complex. The rest of the day were either playing with the dogs, lurking around shops and stores or playing hide-and-seek in the small flat.

"I don't understand this, at all," Zayn but whines. Liam is standing behind him, a scarf on Zayn's eyes. He's tying it tightly and presses a kiss on Zayn's neck.

It's already been a week and Zayn knows he must go back soon but he just can't leave Liam and it's bothers him that he's second guessing his choices. 

"That's the beauty of this, innit?"

"Having no reasons for things? That's stupid."

Liam only chuckles and walks past Zayn.

"Okay, fine. But, whatever. If you manage to find me in less than two minutes, I'm going to treat you ice cream. If not, then you'll treat me."

Zayn scrunches his nose and taps his foot on the floor impatiently.

"The terms are not fair," he argues but Liam only giggles and quietly hurries on his bed. Zayn waves his arms blindly (pun not intended) and takes a careful step towards whatever direction.

Liam watches in silence as Zayn searches for him. He places a hand on his mouth to stop the sound escaping his lips while the latter takes a step after another in search for him. He sees Zayn bump into the chair and falls on the floor with a loud 'ompf!' He can't help but laugh loudly and jumps off the bed until he's beside Zayn.

"Oh my god, are you alright?" Liam asks in between fits of laughter and Zayn grabs him by the collar. Liam leans in and captures Zayn's lips, hungry and passionate while Zayn pulls off the scarf from his eyes. Liam wraps Zayn!/ neck with his arms and pulls Zayn closer until they're lying on top of each other, Liam's back on the wooden floor.

Zayn pulls back and quickly pulls his shirt off. Liam watches in trance as Zayn unbuttons Liam's shirt and pushing it open to leave trails of kisses on the soft white skin. 

He stares fondly at the man lying beneath him, breathing shallow and eyes hooded with lust and want and Zayn never wants for this to stop. 

They end the afternoon on the floor rag, thrusting and moaning sounds of pleasure. They share a quick bath together and starts preparing for pasta night since Harry and Niall had dropped off this morning to remind him they're going to leave work early just so he can spend dinner with them.

"We brought wine!" Harry says as he enters the flat and Zayn looks at the direction of the voice. He's busy fixing the plates and glasses on the table while Liam is finishing the salad in the kitchen.

"Dinner's almost ready!" Liam shouts back and Harry grins as he saunters to the kitchen leaving Niall and Zayn alone.

"Hey," Niall greets and Zayn nods softly.

"How are you?" Niall asks quietly, eyes on the plates as he takes a seat on his usual spot.

"Good. We spent the day playing," Zayn replies and Niall nods. 

There's always something off with Niall and Zayn doesn't know which was it. He can't help but be this guarded jealous prick when he's with Niall who flashes the same protective aura when it comes to Liam. 

"Pasta is here," Liam announces happily and Harry follows behind, bottle of wine in hand and the bowl in another. 

"Smells great Li," Niall compliments. Liam smiles brightly and they all enjoy their dinner joyously. 

Harry and Niall left once done, saying that they have to settle some things in Niall's flat and Liam leaves the dishes to soak while preparing tea. 

Zayn is in the bathroom when he hears his phone ring and he quickly flushes the toilet. It's about past eleven when he goes to the bedroom and checks Louis' message.

_Lunch with Payno Records and SC tmrw. Wear your best suit. I'll send you the address tmrw morning. Hope you're getting better. See ya mate._

& & &

Despite the buzz and his wonderful energy, Zayn can't help but frown when he looks at Liam's displeased face.

"You're wearing a suit," Liam says, dejected. He pulls the covers and storms out of the bedroom.

Zayn gapes and follows Liam behind, neck tie undone.

"What's your problem?"

Liam closes the red medicine box shut and peeks from the bathroom door. 

"You wearing a suit is my problem," he replies. He uncaps the medicine bottle and takes out a few pills. He quickly swallows it and drinks water while Zayn is occupied in the living room getting ready.

"We've talked about this, I have to meet Louis and close the deal," Zayn says, annoyed.

"But it defeats the purpose of my therapy. You said you're willing to give it a try. And yet, you're running back to your job and doing that boring stuff!"

As if some nerve snaps in Zayn, he glares at Liam and scowls, "You make it sound that you're asking me to quit from my job."

Liam doesn't reply, but he looks away.

"I agreed being with you even if I don't know what's it for me–"

"You agreed to be here because you want to be happy," Liam reminds him, still not looking at him.

"Look, Liam. Fuck. Fine, whatever. Some of us actually have a job to do. You just continue goofing around and play with dogs and cook food, but Louis needs me and I need to close this deal or else I'll lose everything."

"But you won't lose me," Liam says, eyes strained on the broken television.

"I doubt that," is Zayn's harsh reply. He turns around and storms out of the flat, ignorant to the fact that Liam stumbles down the floor with a sob.

& & &

Zayn meets Louis at the bistro. They agreed to meet earlier than the set time to check up on each other and discuss a few things.

"And you know quality when you see them," Louis says playfully as he gets up off his chair and pulls Zayn in a quick hug.

"Louis," Zayn mumbles, sinking into the warmth and Louis snickers as they both sit down.

"So how did you convince Payno Records for a meeting?"

Louis takes a sip of his water and winks at Zayn.

"Talked to their CEO, Mr. Horan, and asked if they're willing to just have a chat. He confessed that they're planning to sell the company but wasn't so sure about it."

Zayn nods and sees that a man is approaching them. It's Simon Cowell they both stand up to greet him warmly.

"Mr. Cowell," Louis says and Simon shakes their hands simply.

"You must be Louis," Simon says. "Thick Donny accent from the telephone."

Louis beams softly and offers Simon to take a seat. The producer turns to Zayn and smirks.

"And you must be Zayn," Simon shakes his hand firmly. "I've been wondering where you've been off to because Caro said you wouldn't be able to handle the deal for some time."

"I had to resolve some issues at home," Zayn answers quickly. "But don't worry, everything's all settled now."

Simon nods and asks for the waitress to fill his glass with water. The waitress hurries on their table but slips accidentally and spills water on their table. Zayn pushes off the table and grabs the waitress' arm, for support. Louis grabs the napkin and wipes their table dry while Simon only scowls and looks at the girl piercingly.

"Can't even do her proper job," the producer says in mirth and the waitress apologises frantically. Zayn can almost see the tears brimming her eyes and Simon pays no mind.

"Do you know what happens when people of your being can't even do their tasks properly?" Simon asks and the waitress only fidgets.

"Your lack of talent is an insult to everyone, to your boss to the company and to me. Surely, you won't excel in life because you can't even perform one small task of refilling water properly. What a shame for such a pretty face," Simon finishes and Zayn looks at their employer with sad eyes.

Zayn remembers that time where Liam had used to remind him to always be nice and to be kind because it never hurts. He recalls the time they had spent waiting in line for their tickets in a theatre downtown despite the fact that they were already late for the show. Liam had told him that there's no use on getting mad because of little things. 

He thinks Simon needs to meet someone like Liam and change his opinion in life. He shamelessly belittle and ruined the poor lady's pride. He crushes her dreams and Zayn feels bad for her because she doesn't deserve to be treated like that.

"I think that's a bit harsh," a voice joins their table and Zayn looks up to see familiar faces.

Simon looks up to see green orbs and a tight smile. 

"You must be Simon Cowell," the voice slow drawls and Simon raises an eyebrow towards Louis' direction.

"Silly," Harry says as he offers a hand and Simon gets up on his feet and shakes it firmly. "I'm Harry Styles, VP of Payno Records. And here with me is Niall Horan, CEO."

Simon smiles and greets them warmly. He shakes their hands respectively and calls for the manager, ignoring the waitress still fidgeting out of fear. Zayn watches from his seat the three men in suits across him and he feels nauseated because he's surprised that Niall and Harry actually owns Payno Records. He remembers the phone incident where he had been rude.

The manager appears in seconds and looks at them questioningly. 

"How may I help you sir?"

"Could we ask for a new table? This useless girl has managed to stain our table," Simon says but even before he could continue and ask for another space and the menu, Harry waves him off and settles on the empty seats, Niall following him.

"Nonsense," Harry announces. He looks at Zayn and makes a small smile.

"I beg your pardon?" Simon asks incredulously. 

"I think this table is fine, don't you think Mr. Tomlinson?" Harry asks and Louis blinks a couple of times, eyes wandering from Simon and to Harry before nodding slowly.

"See? All we need is a few napkins and then we can start with out meeting. You don't need to embarrass the poor girl any ore or shuffle seats in the reservation list, do you Mr. Cowell?"

Zayn watches in amusement as Harry looks at Simon challengingly. The waitress is already gone, but the manager stays and waits for their final decision.

"You don't do that to me," Simon admonishes angrily and takes a step closer before grabbing Louis' glass of water and spilling it on Harry's face. Simon places the glass down and pulls Harry by the collar. It's going all too fast, Zayn can't even comprehend what's happening. 

Niall is quick to hold Simon's wrists and glares at Simon.

"I think you should be making a good impression Mr. Cowell, since from what I've heard you're deeply interested in our company," the Irish speaks. "But this attitude is against Payno Records' vision and I don't think I'll want my company be tarnished with your rude attitude."

Simon lets go of Harry collar and Louis silently offers a clean napkin to Harry, who smiles at him brightly. 

"Fine," Simon says, eyes piercing at Niall's. "I'll just talk to you again Zayn. Fix some terms and offers. I forgot that I need to settle a few accounts with Katie at work."

Niall looks at him unimpressed and Simon helps himself out of the bistro, a couple patrons eyeing him carefully. Zayn is not worried about Simon's well being but he's sure that there were a couple of people who caught the entire thing and will send it for a few stash because everyone knows Simon Cowell. Such a shame, really.

Niall sits beside Harry who is still busy drying his shirt. 

Louis looks at Zayn helplessly and then back to the two producers. 

"So I guess, we should go to?" Louis squeaks. 

Both Niall and Harry shake their head and smile.

"Nonsense," Niall says. "It's lunch and this is still considered a meeting. Why don't you stay and let's all enjoy a few hours of break. I'm sure Mr. Cowell will ring your boss anytime now and offer new bargain."

Louis laughs nervously and Harry grabs Louis' free hand across the table.

"Consider this as thanks for standing up with us," Harry says and Louis nods quickly, eyeing their hands. Harry grins and pulls away, calling for a waiter's attention to bring in their menu.  
Niall grins and Zayn tries not to scowl but he ends up asking rudely.

"How long have you known?" Zayn asks, the menu already in their hands. He's not in the mood for food anymore because he felt tricked. He's lied to and Harry and Niall are simply ignoring it.

"When you first met Harry at Liam's," Niall answers honestly, eyes on the menu and not on Zayn. Zayn already feels insulted because Niall isn't looking at him.

"Is this part of your plan?" Zayn asks bewildered.

"I don't know what you're talking about, mate," Niall replies dryly and Zayn knows how much Niall hates him.

He can feel Louis eyes on him and he wants to explain everything but at the same time doesn't want to.

"Did Liam ask you to ruin this meeting because he doesn't want me to go back to my job?"

Niall places the menu down and Harry holds the Irish by the shoulder. He shakes his head sadly and Zayn wants to punch both of them square on the face.

"Don't include Liam on this, Zayn," Niall bites. "We should be having a business meeting and as far as you're concerned, Liam isn't part of the company anymore. So don't fucking speak of his name like he had done something against you."

And that just does it for Zayn. He gets up from his seat and walks out of the bistro, ignoring Louis' calls. 

& & &

The thing is, he's torn. He can't help but connect everything to Liam; can't help but find reasons and meanings of why he needs to be with Liam but at the same time, he knows Liam wouldn't have him back. Even if there was no proper label on how their relationship works. He doesn't even know how to define how they are to each other. Are they lovers? Are they doctor-patient? He doesn't know.

He's in his house, been his first time ever since he left home for a week now and he's missing a lot of things. He's missing his fighting fish he left in Liam's house, Kimby's footsteps around the place and Liam's presence near him. He misses him terribly but he's annoyed at the fact his friends might have ambushed his opportunity of scoring a deal with SC Productions and making Caroline close one of he biggest deals for the company.

He's pissed and mad and yet he wants Liam beside him.

He dives under the covers and pillows, letting his emotions eat him up when he hears the doorbell ring. He tries to ignore it for awhile but it wouldn't stop and he's really in no mood for visitors. But the ringing won't stop and he wants to sleep, so he scurries off the bed and answers the front door, not caring of how must he've looked.

"Louis?" Zayn says surprised and Louis rolls his eyes, helping himself enter the house. He's carrying a bag of takeaway and trudges inside the kitchen, after turning on the lights.

Zayn shuts the door close and follows Louis to his kitchen. 

"Figured you haven't eaten dinner and that you haven't stocked, after being at someone else's house for a week now," Louis explains. He fishes a few plates and cutleries from the drawers. He opens the plastic containers and splits the food equally for them.

"Thanks," Zayn answers as he settles on a stool and waits for Louis to hand him his food.

"Harry told me things," Louis says once they're in the middle of eating their food and after a few moments of silence.

Zayn hums and places his fork down. "I didn't know you two are friends."

Louis looks at him and sighs.

"Why are you acting like a prick?" 

"Why do you even care?" 

Louis pushes his plate away and looks at Zayn in disbelief.

"Because I am your friend," Louis says. "I don't know what's wrong with you, Zayn. You're acting strange. And I know it has something to do with Liam."

Zayn ignores Louis and clears his plate. He places his dish in the sink and holds on the edge of the counter. He lets Louis' words play on repeat in his head and he pictures Liam's face in his mind. He lets out a weak sob and is quite thankful Louis is there to catch him.

"Hey," Louis whispers, hugging Zayn and pulling him off the counter. "I'm here, mate. The Tommo is here. Come on, let's get you to bed."

Louis guides him to his bedroom and Zayn settles on the left side while Louis jumps in and hugs him from behind. Zayn tries to relax but Liam is all he needs. 

"I miss him, Lou," Zayn croaks and Louis hugs him tighter.

"I know," Louis replies in assurance and Zayn wants to laugh because he's never met Liam but Louis speaks with so much confidence it hurts. He falls asleep with a tight pang in his heart.

He wakes up the next day with arms tight around his waist and puffs of air at the back of his neck. He knows Louis came home last night, he's just wasn't sure if Louis stayed the night.

Zayn closes his eyes and pulls the cover up their shoulders. He tries to let sleep take him again when the arms around his waist moves and he feels a kiss on the back of his neck. Zayn knows Louis and him are just plain friends so it comes to a shock when that happened. He moves away from the hug and turns slowly only to be surprised. Instead of Louis' high and sharp cheeks, he sees round cheeks and the creases on Liam's forehead every time he sleeps. 

He sucks in air deeply and wonders what is wrong with him when he nuzzles closer against Liam and kisses the latter's lips suddenly. 

"Zee," Liam whimpers and Zayn pulls back because ever since Liam came into his life, he's been jumping into this levels of emotion he shouldn't be feeling. He's turning into a brat, then a prick, then to a big peach–softy and virile and full of shit, really, for the lack of better term. 

"You're here," Zayn breathes and Liam cackles before pressing another chaste kiss on Zayn's lips. 

"Because you didn't go home," Liam tells him. "You should come back home after we fight, Zayn. How can you properly complete the therapy when you run off like that."

Zayn ignores him and pulls the duvet over their heads. He grins and kisses the tip of Liam's nose.

"How did you know where I live?"

"I met Louis last night," Liam explains. "Harry sort of brings him home? And told me you misses me."

Zayn snorts but doesn't deny. Instead, he tangle their legs together and tucks Liam's head under his chin.

"I was so angry yesterday," Zayn whispers. The latter man pulls the duvet off their head and Zayn whines when the streaming sun assaults their faces. He really wants to go back to bed but Liam's cheerful face is too distracting to just be ignored.

"The lads told me," Liam tells him, fingertips trailing gingerly on his chest. 

"Breakfast?" Liam asks after a moment of peace. Zayn knows they should talk about it more, discuss what happened with Niall and Harry but he nods in response and Liam pulls him to the direction of the bathroom. 

Zayn thinks it's his best morning yet.

"I actually owned Payno Records," Liam announces between mouthful of pancakes.

They are in their favourite diner, going their by foot instead of using Zayn's car. It's his lesson for the day, or Zayn thinks, going to places by foot or by tube. Liam told him that meeting people is a wonderful thing to learn in life. With cars, you only spend time caging yourself in, but with actually commuting, you learn the lessons of life. It was deep, Zayn wants to say but the smile on Liam's face is all he needs to understand what he means.

Zayn blinks his eyes and tries to analyze his words.

"You owned Payno Records?"

"Yeah. Payne? Get it?" Liam tries to joke. "Payno was my stage name. DJ Payno, to be precise. I used to play gigs on clubs and parties back in uni."

"Wait, you mean to tell me that you actually own Payno Records and that you signed Ed, James Bay and another bunch of famous artists?"

"Owned," Liam reminds him and he nods after taking a sip of his coffee.

"What happened? I mean, Niall's the CEO and Harry's VP."

"I quit, is all," he tells him easily. "They were with me when we built the company. Harry studied business and law while Niall majored in music. We just sort of clicked but then I just got bored? And told them I quit."

"You got bored?" Zayn finds him ridiculous. 

"Yeah, I just don't feel doing it anymore," he answers quietly and Zayn nods, wiping the maple syrup off Liam's chin.

"It's a good thing then," Zayn says, pulling Liam closer against him. "That I didn't let Simon buy your company."

"It is?" Liam asks, surprised. 

"Because it's yours and I don't think I would want any part of you be tarnished with Cowell's nasty attitude."

Liam flusters and smiles shyly. "It's not mine anymore, you know."

Zayn only grins and leans closer to kiss Liam on the cheek. "Semantics babe, semantics."

"You're silly, Zee."

That night, Liam invites Harry and Louis for a dinner. Niall couldn't make it because of reasons and Zayn feels like they're having a double date since no one can't pry Louis off of Harry's lap the entire meal. It feels so easy and relax and comfortable. Zayn doesn't want this to end.

Harry is helping Liam with the dishes and tea when Zayn comes to a decision and tells Louis that he's going to resign. Louis tells him that he understands and that Liam's the best thing that had happened to him despite the things he's doing on his career. Zayn tells him it wasn't career in the first place and he's simply satisfied with being Liam beside him.

Louis tells him that it's the most important thing to consider and that he's going to support the two of them all the way. When Zayn tries to ask him about Harry, Louis only waves him off and tells him that Harry is just one big kitten who needs a little comforting after the sudden cold water bath at the bistro the other day.

They spend the rest of the night tangled in sheets and bodies pressed together as the moonlight from the window streaming on their bare skin. 

& & &

"Is this how your therapy usually goes?" Zayn asks one day. They're in a tub, Liam's body pressed on his back, a loofa on his hand. The tub's filled with soap bubbles, jasmine and moringa scent that compliments and makes Zayn love Liam more.

It's the thing that makes him all confused. He thinks he loves Liam. Actually, he knows he loves Liam but then he has no guts to just spill his feelings out; couldn't fathom the idea of confessing because he's coward like that.

How he was coward enough not to stand up for his dreams and let his father dictate his life. 

"It depends on the person, really," Liam answers, pouring water on Zayn's hair. "Kimby leaves today, have I told you that?" 

Zayn reaches for Liam's free hand and massages it. "Does he really have to go?"

Liam giggles and tucks his chin on Zayn's shoulder, legs wrapped around the latter. The water's warm around them and the bubbles floating on the serene flow when the door of the bathroom opens. 

"Fuck," Zayn scowls and Liam wraps his arms around Zayn. Niall smirks at them, completely shameless at the fact that he's invading their privacy.

"Harry wants to know if Zayn's letting you go tomorrow morning," Niall says with a teasing smile on his face.

Ever since the Cowell incident, they never had a chance to really talk and discuss their intentions, but Zayn thinks Niall has already moved on from it. 

"What's with tomorrow morning?" Zayn asks, head pressed against Liam's shoulder.

"Nothing," Liam is quick to reply and Niall snorts, leaning against the doorframe.

"Well, if it's nothing then I guess you can. Go, I mean," Zayn assures him and Niall snorts yet again.

"He eventually must go, you know. Even if you're around, don't be clingy. It doesn't suit you," Niall says and presses himself off the doorframe. 

Zayn rolls his eyes and nuzzles against Liam's cheek. "Don't you have to be some place where you're needed?" 

Niall only sighs and closes the door, making sure to give Liam a look who returns his stare sympathetically. Zayn ignores the Irish, face closes against Liam's. He kisses Liam's cheek once he hears the door shut.

"I don't think Niall likes me," Zayn says when they're drying up their bodies. Liam cocks his head, confused and Zayn throws him a small flannel. 

"You're overthinking things, Zee," Liam assures him and ushers him out of the room.

"What is in that red box anyway?"

Liam only smiles and pushes him. 

"Nothing that concerns you, I assure," Liam replies with a small smile. "Go and put on some clothes. You're distracting me. I demand ice cream."

Zayn shakes his head fondly and steps out of the room, not before he gives Liam a tight squeeze in his hand. "You and your cravings. I'm starting to worry if I'd impregnated you already."

"Don't be silly. Men can't get pregnant," Liam tells him sternly. Zayn only laughs and Kimby rushes out from nowhere and waggles his tail on his feet. 

Once alone, Liam opens the red medicine box and scoops a multitude of bottle of pills. It's funny how he tries to heal his disease with these pills even though he knows there's nothing more he can do. 

& & &

Liam leaves early in the morning. Kimby goes off with him and Zayn almost tears up when the small shih tzu licks his face before they part.

"I'll be back before lunch. We'll eat together," Liam promises and Zayn nods quietly. It's his first time spending on his own in Liam's house. He prepares himself a quick breakfast and showers while he think of ways how to confess his feelings because he knows it's the right time. It's about time he reveal all the secrets hiding in his heart.

Liam deserves to know these things, right? And he should break his feelings free because that's the right thing to do, right?

He wanders around the flat, looks at all the comic books Liam has and tries to read the ones he missed. Zayn scurries to the bathroom, feeling the need to piss. When done, he can't help but stop staring at the red antique medicine box, Liam has been trying to keep from him. He really can't because the medicine box is vibrant and literally there. It's so hard to ignore but Liam always tells him it's nothing. 

He tries budging it open, knocks it a little bit but it won't click. He settles on leaving at it and goes to the bedroom to put some shirt and jeans. Liam may come home any time soon.

They spend the rest of the day outside. There are no more dogs to walk, and Zayn thinks Liam feels a little bit sad because he's too quiet when they go to the park and play with a few kids.

A little girl approaches them while their sitting on the bench quietly, hands intertwined and Liam's head resting on Zayn's shoulder, telling him he's a bit unwell, and asks if Zayn can draw her a castle on the asphalt ground.

Liam smiles at him encouragingly and pushes him playfully off the bench. Zayn grins and reaches for a yellow chalk from the little girl. He starts sketching a castle, complete with towers, flags and windows. The little girl is drawing flowerbeds beside Zayn when Liam stands beside him. When Zayn looks up, he sees the beautiful soft face and his heart tightens at how perfect everything feels. The sun is shining up softly behind Liam's head and Zayn tries his best to remember everything, admiring the soft lips, the halo of wonderful aura and gorgeous eyes casted on him.

"You're such an artist," Zayn hear Liam says. "I'm thinking of getting ice cream. Do you want one?"

Zayn nods and Liam turns to his heels to approach the ice cream truck parked at the side of the park.

Zayn stares in fondness, thinking hat he can do this everyday with Liam. They would go on parks, eat ice creams whenever they want and laze in each other's arms. They would tell stories about their families, about themselves and how they want their future together. Zayn thinks he wants this.

& & &

"Will you marry me?" Zayn asks one afternoon.

He's staring at his reflection on the mirror, practicing his speech. He thinks today is the best time to tell Liam what he feels. He feels confident and brave because this is it. It's almost a month now, and Liam will end the therapy in a couple of days, but Zayn doesn't want to end things with Liam. If marrying him will be the only thing to keep him, then Zayn will.

He's been eyeing a ring from one of the stores downtown. He could purchase it tomorrow morning while Liam is out with Harry for their morning routine. He'll try his best to stop himself from asking the question tonight so as not to ruin the surprise.

The front door clicks open and he peeks at the bedroom wall to find Liam entering the house. He's carrying groceries and Zayn shakes his head fondly when Liam sees him and pouts for help. 

"What have you been buying?" Zayn asks as he reaches for the bag filled with vegetables.

"I'm thinking of making vegetable lasagna," Liam explains. "Past night, remember? I told Harry to bring Louis over."

Zayn grins at the sound of his best mate's name and nods furiously while they place the bags on the counter. 

"That sounds amazing," Zayn replies. "Do you need any help?"

Liam looks at him with a grin, cheeks puffed cutely and brows furrowed. "Always do, Zee."

"I'll chop the vegetables, babe. Proper domestic, Mr. Malik," Zayn teases. Liam only cackles and ignores the fluttering in his chest while Zayn reaches for the knife and chopping board.

By the time Zayn's done washing the pots and utensils, and Liam's set the table, the lads enter the flat bearing wine and garlic bread. Louis is loud, as always, greeting Zayn with a tight hug and tells him stories about Caroline missing him and still waiting for him to come back. 

Zayn only laughs while they take their seats. Harry is ecstatic like his boyfriend, and chatters with Zayn endless useless things about Louis.

"That was one time, Harold," Louis argues. He smiles at the smell of his food and glares at Harry when the younger man ruffles his hair. Harry is telling them a story of how Louis tried giving Harry a blow under his desk for lunch when Ed made an appearance and chatted with Harry for ten minutes, suspicious of the sound under his desk. 

"And it just prove how much of a slob you are," Harry says teasingly. Louis continues to glare but couldn't stop the smile erupting from his lips.

Niall tells something about the company and the latest artists they've signed. Louis shares stories about his siblings and how he's excited to see him next weekend with Harry promising to come with. 

As they continue to eat dinner, Zayn can't help but look at Liam intently and pointedly, watching how he shifts uncomfortably on his chair and how he keeps on rubbing the back of his neck like it's hurting. He places a hand on Liam's back and massages it lightly. Liam looks at him with a small smile and resumes on eating, even if he'd only stab a few vegetables and eat small forkful. 

When dinner was done, Liam and Zayn take the dishes while Niall, Harry and Louis proceeded to the balcony, bottles of beer in their hands. 

"So, that was fun," Zayn says as he throws the leftovers under the bin. Liam is standing beside him, breathing slowly but forcing a smile on his face.

"Yeah," Liam breathes and Zayn turns around to look at Liam. He places his hands on Liam's arms and pulls him near. 

"Hey," Zayn says. "I know my therapy thing will end next week but I just want to tell you that I don't think I can see any day without you beside me."

Liam looks at him, surprised and the sudden smile slowly turns into a frown.

"I think what I'm saying is, Liam Payne, will you marry me?"

It is quiet for what Zayn feels like years, when it's only seconds and somehow he feels himself getting cold when Liam shakes his head and pulls his arms away from the latter.

"You don't know what you're saying, Zayn. You can't possibly want to marry me," Liam laughs humorlessly. Zayn looks at him confused and tries again.

"Li, babe, I am happy when I am with you. I am the happiest here, with you. What makes you think I don't know what I'm talking about?"

"Because you don't! You will never understand and it's okay. I gave you a month and you're doing better and that's what matters."

"Being with you what makes me feel better," Zayn tries but Liam furiously shakes his head and tears fall on his cheeks, Zayn finds it heartbreaking.

"You don't know that Zayn. You don't know that. You're only saying that now but once you found out things I've been hiding, you'll abandon me and you'll regret everything."

Zayn tries to reach for Liam's right hand but the latter only flinch away and speeds to the bathroom when he feels the tight twist of nerves in his gut. 

Zayn follows him quickly, steps loud and voices piercing, as he reaches for Liam. Liam tries to close the bathroom door but Zayn is much stronger. He pushes the door open and Liam stumbles on his bum, back against the tub, crying. Zayn looks at the medicine box and reaches for the key on the counter. He hooks it in the slot, ignoring Liam's pleads for him to stop, and freezes when he sees shelf after shelf of medicines and pills.

He looks at the crying man on the floor and then at the medicine box. 

"Li," Zayn mumbles. The latter gets up on his feet weakly and swipes the bottles out of the medicine box furiously. They all fall on the ground, making a mess of pills of different colors and sizes and Zayn wants Liam to stop.

"There, you see? Do you see it now, Zayn?"

Zayn remain quiet. They both hear footsteps outside the bathroom and before anyone could step inside and ask them how they are doing, Liam looks at Zayn with a hard gaze.

"Your therapy ends right now, Zayn. Thank you. You may leave."

Zayn only shakes his head and says, "I'm not leaving you! You can't just push me away. Fuck. I love you Liam!"

Liam looks at him with big eyes, surprised and horrified as if Zayn had said something horrendous. 

"I-I-"

"And I know you love me too. I love you Liam, why can't we make it happen? I'll take care of you, let me marry you."

A hand grapples him out of the room and Zayn almost stumbles down the floor if it weren't for Louis and Harry catching him.

"Please, leave," Niall says. He looks at Zayn one last time and shuts the door close.

A couple of minutes later, the bathroom door opens and enters Harry who's carrying a mug of tea. 

Liam is inside the empty tub, towel wrapped around his body while Niall is on the floor, massaging his cold hands.

"They left, just like you told him," Harry says. He hands Liam his mug and Liam nods, taking it with his free hand.

"Is he alright?" Liam asks and Harry smiles weakly. He takes a seat beside Niall and they both look at their friend with sad eyes.

"I made the right thing, right? I mean," Liam whispers and Niall watches when Liam closes his eyes and sighs. 

"He asked me to marry him," Liam says after a few sips of his tea. They're still in his bathroom. Harry's eyes are still on his and Niall hums something to divert their mood even for a bit.

"It wasn't the first time," Niall reminds him and Liam shakes his head because he remembers all the men who asked for his hand.

"But it's the first time I wanted to say yes," he replies quietly and Niall tries to stop the tears brimming from his eyes. 

& & &

Zayn finds himself standing in the lobby of Payno Records the next morning. 

He waits by the couch, the company's secretary is looking at him carefully and Zayn is certain she knows who he is. The lift dings open and he spots two men he's waiting for almost 30 minutes now.

"Zayn?" Harry says and Zayn gets up off the couch and approaches them. Niall looks at him, displeased but doesn't say anything.

"I want to talk to you," Zayn says, eyes on the Irishman. 

Harry looks at them both and when Niall opens his mouth to reply, Harry only waves them both and looks at the secretary. 

"Gemma? Could you wipe Niall's schedule this morning and give it all to me?"

Gemma nods quickly, brow arched curiously. "Please?" Harry adds and Gemma sighs before opening her planner and making calls.

"Talk to him in your office, Niall."

Niall doesn't reply but only walks ahead and Harry places a hand on Zayn's shoulder.

"It won't be nice. Niall is a bit sensitive when it comes to Liam," Harry says. "All I am asking is, if you really mean what you said about loving Liam, then please try to understand everything before making hasty reactions, yeah?"

Zayn nods and follows Niall. Harry smiles weakly at him when he looked at the curly haired man and receives a curt nod from Gemma.

Niall is already waiting for him when Zayn gets inside his office. It's a simple modern looking office with the flag of Ireland and a small refrigerator with glass door that reveals a few bottles of beer.

"How sick is he?" Zayn asks once he sees Niall looking at him.

The latter slouches in his seat and sighs. "It's terminal cancer. He only has a few months left."

Zayn clutches on the edge of his chair and swallows hard.

"I know doctors, we can ask for help."

"Don't you think I've already told him that?" 

The atmosphere is heavy and Zayn feels suffocated. He wonders what is with Niall being this protective towards Liam when Harry is a bit accommodating and at ease. 

"I asked to marry him," Zayn confesses. Niall heaves out a breath deeply and tangles his fingers on the desk.

"Don't we all?" Niall replies and Zayn looks at him curiously.

"You mean?"

"He had a few proposals, actually. Including mine," Niall answers dejectedly. 

"Then," Zayn can't find words to finish his sentence.

"He's been doing this shitty therapies to help people. Men in the corporate field, just like you, are his main priority since he was once like you. Been a workaholic and lost, I guess."

Zayn continues to listen how Liam had used to stay nights long in the office, pushing people to be better until one day, they discovered that he has stage four leukemia and that there's no cure. He can try the meds, can try the chemo but with Liam's weak state of a body, nothing can be resolved. He lets Niall tell him stories of how he cut off his connection to his family because he doesn't want them to see in pain, having a sick son, but confesses to Zayn that Niall's been talking to Karen ever since and that Liam's mum wants his on back in their arms one last time. 

Niall explains Zayn why Liam does things for free and tells him that his passion from creating music has changed into changing men's opinion for true happiness. Harry and Niall had been a part of his sufferings and Niall wishes Zayn to understand that Liam's decision will never change.

"But why?" Zayn asks.

Niall closes his eyes and swallows hard.

"Because Liam doesn't want to be a burden. Instead, despite being sick, he wants to bring people happiness and think of all small things like they matter."

"And he matters, too, isn't he?"

Niall smiles brokenly and nods.

"You matters to him, you know?"

Zayn almost freezes because he's certain Liam doesn't want to be associated with him anymore.

"I doubt about that."

"Liam also tells me you doubt about a lot of things."

"Because I can't help it."

"Do you doubt then, your love for him?"

Zayn shakes his head furiously.

"Thought so too. Do you doubt him, then?"

"No. I know he loves me but," Zayn stops midway and stares at Niall.

"Sometimes, things don't always end up being together but that doesn't mean love isn't there."

Zayn sucks in air deeply and closes his fist.

"Can I see him?"

Niall reaches for a small paper and his pen. He scribbles an address and hands it over to Zayn.

"It's a foundation for kids with cancer. Liam takes his chemo there with the kids as support. He's there right now. Tell the office you're from Payno Records and that Harry and I wouldn't be able to pick Liam up. Lou Teasdale is the head of the _Little Smiles_ , tell her I sent you and she'll let you in."

Zayn thanks Niall and when he gets up from his seat, Niall adds–

"I don't know what's running in Liam's head right now, but I want you to please understand him, yeah?"

"Harry might have warned me about that, yeah."

Niall grins weakly and nods. "Liam is like a girl, he's fickle minded all the time and it annoys me sometimes. But, I love him."

Zayn smiles. "Yeah, I know. And I love him, too. Even more compared to you."

Niall chuckles lightly and waves him off. 

"Go. Good luck."

Zayn rushes out of the building. He hails a taxi as soon as he steps at the sidewalk and instructs the driver with the address of the foundation. The driver nods and quickly drives off, earning a few glances from the rear mirror. When they halts at the entrance of the building, the driver tells Zayn that he wishes his loved one will get better and Zayn prays the same thing.

Once inside the lobby, Zayn walks to the front desk and looks at the man behind the counter.

"How may I help you?"

"I'm here for Liam Payne," Zayn replies. "I'm from Payno Records. Niall and Harry couldn't make it so they send me instead."

The man furrows his brows and crosses his arms. 

"It's funny. They usually call when one of them is going change a few things. I'm sorry, I can't let you in."

Zayn's face crumbles and he grips at the edge of the counter tightly.

"But, Niall said I should look for Lou Teasdale. He said she's going to let me."

The nurse only tightens his firm hold and shakes his head.

"Liam is very adamant and particular on who's only allowed to come and visit him."

Zayn shakes his head and bites his bottom lip in frustration. 

As if on cue, a lady with long blonde hair and silver blue eyes appear and looks at him. 

"Paul?" The lady says and Paul, the grumpy buff nurse, looks at the lady's direction.

"Niall Horan called and told me they're sending a proxy. Is that you, Mr. Malik?"

Zayn nods quickly and Paul eyes him carefully before giving in defeat.

"You can let him enter, Paul," Lou instructs with a small voice. Zayn wants to hug her as thanks and Paul walks around the counter to guide Zayn where Liam is.

The hallway is white and quiet. There are doors of different colors and windows with blinds to shield the patients inside. The places looks neat and kid-friendly. There are murals on the wall and Zayn admires all the artworks and paintings on the wall. He spots a door with Music Room written on the top of the door and Zayn smiles when he sees _Donated by Mr. Liam Payne of Payno Records 2019_.

Paul leads him towards the end of the hall and before the nurse opens the door, he turns around to face Zayn.

"They might be playing or sleeping, but I want you to be quiet because you might scare off the kids and Liam. They're drugged and chemo is very painful, so I suggest that you make your entrance less grand."

Zayn nods and runs a conscious hand in his hair. 

Once the door is slightly opened, Zayn takes a step and when he turns, he's faced with the most wonderful and yet heartbreaking scene he's ever seen.

Liam is on a bed, surrounded by kids. He's reading a book, trying his best to mumble the words while the tube on his arms works their magic in an attempt to lessen his pain. The other kids are also in their tubes and IV drops, but they're all engrossed in the story book to pay mind their meds or the person who had entered the room.

Zayn watches in silence while Liam narrates the words and the scene carefully with feelings. He makes voices for the characters, tries to make it sound believable while the kids laugh and giggle around him. He continues to admire how Liam is good with kids and how he looks so peaceful and content just to be on his own, surrounded by the little smiles and wide curious eyes.

He wonders if this is how Liam feels; if he's contented with life despite his state. He can't help but think and wish that Liam would want his presence. He wants to know what's running inside Liam's head and he wonders if he can try something out for the man he loves.

Will love be enough? 

He sure hopes so.

The story telling went on for an hour and Zayn just watches from afar, admiring the smile on Liam's face. When Paul enters the room and helps the kids off of their tubes, he helps them in bed and walks to Liam's bed.

"Zayn?" Liam's voice echoes around the room and Zayn almost blinks because it's so quiet and Liam's voice sounds almost angelic, it hurts.

"Yes? I mean, hi. Yes, Li?" Zayn stammers and Liam giggles. Paul is standing on the other side of the bed, turning off the machine and helping him with the tubes.

"Can you come here?" Liam asks and Zayn quickly gets up on his feet and approaches Liam's bed carefully. 

"Help me?" Liam offers and Zayn nods as he offers a hand. Liam helps himself out of the bed, with Zayn supporting his weight. Paul adjusts the bed frame and pushes off the bed on the other side, to clear Liam's path.

"Are you alright?" Zayn asks and Liam smiles. He leans closer to Zayn and presses a kiss on the latter's cheeks.

"I want to tour you around," Liam announces and Zayn looks at Paul warily before nodding. Liam reaches for the scarf on his neck and tugs on it lightly.

They walk outside the room and Paul resumes to his place at the front desk. Liam shows him each room, where the kids play and the music room where he's so proud of. Zayn listens intently on him and plans the future in the back of his mind while Liam points at every painting on the wall with a bright smile.

It's amusing how Liam's features look so magnificent and how everything compliments each other very well. 

Liam leads Zayn to an empty spacious room and Zayn looks around to see white walls and white furnitures.

"This will be the kids' Art Room. Payno Records donated this just recently and I'm wondering," Liam says. "No, I want you to paint this room like a proper artist. Put a mural on each wall, design the floor, I don't know. Anything, Zayn. Just bring life into this room."

Zayn blinks at Liam and then looks around with awe. 

"You want me to paint this room?"

"Well, you wanted to be an artist, don't you?"

Zayn feels his heart tightens because Liam remembered.

"I told you, I'd make you paint for me, didn't I?" 

Zayn smiles and takes Liam's face between his hands and leans in for a kiss. He wants to remember this; wants to keep this memory in the back of his mind forever. He wants to never ever let go. He closes his eyes and sinks into the chapped lips and tries to make it all moist and plump again. Zayn breaks away when he feels a scarf wrapped around his head, covering his eyesight. 

"What are you doing?" Zayn asks.

"Playing, of course. You silly goose," Liam explains as he tightens the knot at the back of Zayn's head.

"If you find me in less than a minute, I'll treat you to ice cream," Liam says with a laugh.

Zayn shakes his head and reaches for Liam's hand. He places it in his lips and bites it playfully.

"I have a better plan," Zayn says, looking at Liam even if there's a cloth blocking his sight. "If I find you in less than a minute, you're going to marry me. And I'll take care of you. Forever."

Liam's breath hitches and he tries his best not to cry. Instead, he leans and kisses Zayn one last time.

"Deal," he says in between pecks and pulls away. "Start." He announces and Zayn flails his arms around, trying to grasp Liam. 

Unbeknownst to him, Liam quietly tiptoes out of the room. He stares one last time to Zayn's figure, and smiles brokenly before he walks down the hallway and walks past Paul and Lou's knowing gaze. He waves them off and gets inside the cab waiting for him. He instructs the driver to drive him to the tube and the driver ignores the silents cries of his passenger.

Zayn removes and looks around the room only to see it white, spacious and unsurprisingly empty. He falls on his knees and clutches on the scarf tightly, he takes Liam's scent of jasmine and moringa and wills himself that it's the best for both of them.

& & &

"Are you excited?" Louis' voice echoes around the room and Zayn wants to kick his friend off the bed.

It's been four months and Zayn thinks he's getting there. He's getting okay. 

He chooses to be a painter and does mural works for hospitals and foundations about cancer patients. He thinks it's his life long passion ever since Liam. It's too early to tell, but he's enjoying and he's happy and he knows Liam is proud of him. 

He spend nights thinking about Liam but never with beer. It's always with mates and with dogs in the pound. That's where he met Loki, and adopts him entirely. Liam used to tell him that surrounded by the people you love is the best therapy and Zayn wants to puke back then, questions Liam with his hypocrite ideals but ignores it. He kinda thinks he understands now, what Liam meant.

He went back to Bradford and tells his parents his life for leaving them behind. His father apologised after everything and told him that he's proud that he's doing things that will make him happy now. He told them about Liam and how they all supported and tried to encouraged him that Liam is always remembered. 

He worked on the promised Art Room in Little Smiles and everyone loved it. Niall was there to present him Payno Records' plaque of appreciation and thanks of the efforts he had done in the room. 

The room was unsurprisingly inspired on Liam's soft brown eyes.

Watson Brokerage, bless them, is now under Louis' management because Caroline decided that it's about time to retire and focus on being a mum. That being said, Louis donated a ton amount of money to build an annex building for Little Smiles to accommodate more patients. Just to appease his bad publicity and business, Simon Cowell also donated a big amount of money to stock the place and despite his cries and pleads, Payno Records isn't still interested in selling their company.

Zayn gets up and dashes to the bathroom while Louis saunters back to the kitchen where Harry is preparing them breakfast.

"Is he up?" Harry asks, pulling out containers of food from the bag. He's neatly dressed and doesn't want to ruin his suit.

"He's up alright," Louis replies, leaning up to press a kiss on Harry's lips.

"Get away from each other. No hanky panky in my kitchen. I forbid any PDA," Zayn croaks a moment later, neck tie undone around his neck and shirt still unbuttoned. 

Louis laughs and offers the plateful of food Harry had prepared back in their house.

"Fine, but hurry. You know Niall doesn't want you to be late. You were late the last ribbon cutting," Harry says as he takes a sip of his tea and offers the rest to his boyfriend.

"Yeah, yeah," Zayn replies and hurries on the stool. "Could you please put a leash on Loki?" 

Louis nods and calls for the black and silver Siberian Husky. He saunters playfully from the couch and barks at Louis when the man tries to put a leash on him. Louis calls for Harry's help but Harry shakes his head and tells him he doesn't want to ruin his suit.

Zayn only cackles and finishes his meal and gets ready.

They arrive at the annex of Little Smiles and blinks when he spots a lot of people at the entrance. He wasn't expecting for such crowd. He fixes his suit and tightens his necktie. It's been so long since he last wore a proper suit and tie. Liam used to hate this attires but doesn't deny that he actually looks good in it. 

"What a crowd," Louis says and Zayn nods.

"Are you nervous?" Harry asks and Zayn grunts, Loki is sitting beside him, eyes roaming around the area. They're waiting for Niall and Lou to appear to start the ribbon cutting.

People are already gathering at the entrance and Zayn clutches tightly on Loki's leash, not wanting to be part with his puppy. Louis convinces him he can handle the small ball of energy but when Louis tried holding the leash, Loki only howls and Zayn makes an embarrassed face because Loki does that when he doesn't want any other people holding him.

The ribbon cutting went smoothly. Niall, Lou and Zayn (with Loki) took photos with him and they all wandered around the building to admire the murals and all the graffitis in the walls and ceilings and even floors. 

It's in the middle of the tour when Loki decides that he's not in the mood to please people anymore and starts tugging Zayn out of the building.

"Loki," Zayn warns, but Loki only howls and as if by fate, the leash snaps and the husky dashes out of the room in haste.

Zayn yelps and follows him, with Niall, Louis and Harry behind. People makes a noise of displeased and kids laugh while Loki tries to run away and four men in suits are running after him.

Zayn fears that Loki might cross the street with his adrenaline, not going to pay any attention around his surroundings. He hurries out of the building and stops midway when he sees Loki lying on his back, letting another person rub playfully on his belly.

He almost chokes out a sob when the man looks up and smiles at him brightly. He feels a hand on his shoulder and looks at Niall who was grinning at him.

"Don't let your dog steal your man," he jokes and Zayn wants to strangle Niall and the rest of the lads because he knows this is their plan.

Zayn walks slowly towards Liam and whistles for Loki's attention. The husky only looks at him but remains on his back. Zayn wants to roll his eyes because he still needs a lot of training with his pesky husky. 

"Hi," Liam says. He slowly gets up on his feet and Zayn instinctively offers an arm when Liam wobbles on his feet. He's wearing a suit and Zayn wants to tease him for such shit.

Zayn can't find his words, doesn't know where to start but the tingling feeling, sizzling against their skins is more than enough to tell how much he wants this.

"You're four months late," Liam begins. He smiles widely and steps a little closer to Zayn. Loki is already sitting and behaving like any puppy should while Zayn's eyes are on Liam. "But it's okay. I guess we can marry one another, still."

Zayn smiles and closes his eyes, he fights the tears escaping his eyes but nods and leans in to press a kiss on Liam's lips lovingly.

"I promise nothing," Liam says, pressing his forehead against Zayn's. "But I will try my very best to live."

"And I promise to love you for eternity, as long as you have me."

"And, you. To me," Liam whispers, leaning in for another kiss.

**Author's Note:**

> Comments, kudos, thoughts? Please let me know. x
> 
> [Come chat ! ](http://wittyliterary.tumblr.com)


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